this is my life..

MOVED

2007-02-05T21:57:00.000+08:00

MOVED!!!!!!!!!!! www.tinayvillanueva.multiply.com

ASHTON

2006-09-03T04:18:00.000+08:00

The house feels so empty without him.

I went home at 4am on a Saturday from a weekend booze and what made me bluer was the sight of his old, freaky-looking, spikey, squeaky toy right at the corner of my door. My friend picked him up this afternoon and after leading him to the backseat door of his new family, tears endlessly fell from my eyes.

He was like my shadow, he would not fail to accompany me to the restroom in the middle of the night. He would happily welcome me whenever I ring the doorbell. He even pees when he gets too excited. He likes munching on my socks whenever I put them on. He likes placing his snout right at my CPU blower and I'd kick him so he'd back off. He stands on two feet whenever I'm eating so he could take a glance at what I'm eating and he sticks out his tongue and gives me that look that says he wants some food, too. So I slip some chunk of rice underneath the dining table so he's be satisfied then he'd stand like a biped so he'd get some more. He steps on my face in the morning to wake me up for school. He snatches tissue paper from the trash can and munches on them whenever I forget to close the restroom's door. He hates it when I squeeze his button nose but he lets me because he knows I like it. He stays asleep until I wake up on lazy days. He immediately goes in front of a newly turned-on aircon so his hair would be blown in a backward direction just like a model dog. He lets me scratch his stomach and I bury my face into his smooth, perfectly-combed fur afterwards and tickle his stomach with my nose. He likes playing hide and seek and even though I hide in the same places, he still pretends he's had a hard time then tags right at me then makes a run for his turn to hide.

How can I give up something that is so proud when he's newly bathed? It's like he's boasting out "Hey, I smell good now, you can hug me some more"

But he peed on my Mom's favorite rag. He took a crap on the sofa. The maid was complaining.
He peed on Mom's favorite rag then on the sofa. Next, he chewed on the legs of our dining chairs. The maid complained some more.
He peed on Mom's favorite rag and again, in the sofa. He chewed some more wood. The chair is almost chipping off a whole segment of its four legs. The maid was furious.

I had to give him away.

Mom saw me crying she told me that she doesn't want to see me this way. She said I could get him back.

Too late. Can I still save myself from eternal sorrow? Being away from my beloved precious ASHTON? :(

tinay at 18

2006-08-09T20:39:00.001+08:00

TINAY @ 18
This is so vulgar but I have to do this because I lost every single name in my phone book. Let's see.. It's my 18th birthday celebration on August 26, 2006 (Saturday)at Ponticello, Makati. It's gonna be from 7pm-12am so please come early. Come in your hottest BLACK or WHITE gimmick attire.

To all my MC friends, Ateneo friends, La Salle friends, fencing friends, VCF people, please be there. This post is especially for you! Your presence means a lot to me. Thanks :)

Please confirm if you are coming. You know my number. Same old number ;P

Rian's debut

2006-07-23T23:58:00.000+08:00

Rian's Debut at Bamboo Lounge Fort

clockwise: nikki, bea, rian, xands, rob, tinay

i love them!

SAD SAD STORY

2006-07-15T16:40:00.000+08:00

Before I begin my sad story, may i just notify you that you can already post comments. Blogger's Commenting facility has been fucked up for some time so I signed up for HaloScan. So please keep those feedbacks coming in! Hehe

The Loss of My Favorite Pair of Sneakers..
After undressing, I placed my used socks inside my maong Chucks and placed the sneakers inside a plastic. I hurriedly stacked all my sweaty clothes in my bag because I had an important stuff to attend to afterwards..
and right then and there it happened.. I left my Chuckies lonely in a stinky restroom...
I remember forgetting my sneakers in the third cubicle of Razon Sports Complex the next week, wherein I immediately came back to look for it. It was gone. I checked all the lockers...

To my surprise..
What's funny about losing it is that I actually found the plastic where I put it. It had nothing but my used, smelly socks in it. HAHA. So the thief actually took some effort to return the remains of the plastic that she did not want. Fuckrat!

Thank you very much for that. Just give it back, okay? I want it back...

Question box

2006-06-25T19:33:00.000+08:00

question = do you have a sister as pretty as you? :P - no i dont. i have two bothers, though hehe
tinayfan: are the comments disabled? just wanted to comment on your latest entry but couldn't. - ugh. i don't know why it's not working. it's supposed to. :(

F U C K E D

2006-06-13T22:17:00.000+08:00

Do you know how it feels like when everything just falls apart for one day? Just one day and everything just crumbles down and crashes. All things did not fall into place and you end up picking these pieces and manually sticking the jigsaw together. It's not right when you don't even have to guts to face your mom because of a grave argument the previous night. It's not right when your groupmates leave you stranded in a flooded corridor with a heavy boombox in your right hand and an un-strapped bodybag in the other. It's not right when your boyfriend tells you not to check his friendster account merely because he doesn't check yours (like you'd care if he does). It's not right when you dial his number to your handed-down, worn-out, self-battery-conserving cellphone to argue what the fuck is wrong with him. It's not right when Sun Cellular displays NETWORK BUSY when you've been dialing his number for more than 30 minutes then he just rejects it. It's not right when he says "I'm gonna sleep na. (with a pathetic happy face)" at 10 in the evening. It's not right when people's instant messages pop out when you don't feel like talking to anyone but him. It's not right if he makes you feel the most unimportant person in the world when just a few minutes prior to this writing, he was just a step away. It's not right when he ignores you especially when he knows that this is the time you needed him most.

Questions.. Questions..

2006-06-13T21:19:00.000+08:00

question = where can i find ur answers here? email me:
chocofur@gmail.com :) thanks! Right here. hehe
question = are you an ilocana? No. I just spent a week in Ilocos. Does that already make me one? :D
question = Do you have a multiply? No.
question = how r u? I'm doing great in college. So far, I think I can manage it. I THINK. Haha

Summer and College

2006-05-29T21:54:00.000+08:00

I lived the perfect life with my best buds in paradise- Boracay. We drank everynight til sunrise and we partied like hell. Haha.

Sunrise at Hey Jude! right after Hed Kandi

Sunrise at Bora! * View of Bora from the yacht

More to come!!! I feel too lazy to upload photos.. Too busy with schoolwork :(

Back to Square One.

For those who are not aware but are somehow interested to know, I'm now attending De La Salle University-Manila and I'm taking up BS-Psychology. I really find it unfair that we went to school a month earlier as compared to most schools. I'd rather graduate at a sooner date than finish schooling early but having to sacrifice the summer vacations. Being a frosh again.. SUCKS. It's like completely losing the small rewards you got from mastering four years of high school. It feels like being born again to a culture where everyone is entitled to a cigarette almost anywhere in the campus, a lunch in a posh restaurant, a social life within reach. It's very much different from high school wherein you are licensed to a weekly check-up at the YLC's office, a pressure to cope up with and a pink slip for forgetting your ID. In college, you forget your ID, your mind discreetly knows that it's a day-off. You skip school. It's fun, yeah, but I miss being a senior in my beloved Miriam High. Hahaha. Cheesy?

Ilocos Escapade

2006-04-06T23:33:00.000+08:00

I wake up one day realizing that I've completely lost my ability to write. It could be the fact that I have nothing worthy to write about 'coz all I have been doing the past few weeks is crap.
I've been too disoriented lately. I've always had crazy thoughts in my head but this instance is different. There are some people who are driving me more insane, leaving me insecure and unsafe for the duration of summer 2006.
Is it because I'm sleepless? Every 7:30 in the morning, Ashton never fails to slap me awake from fantasyland for his usual "calling"- both food and bowel reasons. I'm usually rather always left with nothing to do so I end up working my ass in the gym or in 9Ball.

March 25- April 1. One full week.
By the way, I've lived in the best pad in Ilocos for one full week with Xandra, Tisay, Camz, Ara, Giselle, Kat and Topito. I had one 500 peso bill in my purse buried under screaming 1 and 5 peso coins and that's all I had. My money took me to the best vacation I had with friends. I've gone to three beautiful beaches, beyond 5 restobars and more than 3 KTV stations. I ate only the best of Ilocos and drank a little too much. I rode the nicest pony for a kalesa ride and I faked a perfect tan by bathing in Coca-cola. I handfed an Australian deer, I bear-hugged an uranggutan, I donated the cone of my dirty ice cream to a tiger, I let a python strangle my neck and arms, I screamed at a truck-sized ostrich. I took a shit in a remote-controlled toilet with a heated seat and an ass-drier. We saved Topito from a jellyfish sting by witnessing him having to pour urine all over the inflicted area. We advised Xandra regarding his two potential pumpkins battling against each other, we ate choco crunchies as Bianca and zanjoe munched on the same cookies as we watched PBB 24/7. We mastered the Sandara step in her new dance craze. I had a free photo taken with Franzen and Gov. Chavit, too. Sunset was at sight from their resort's lighthouse, five storeys from the sandy ground as we were playing Pusoy Dos. I was awarded champion in a sandball competition in Topito's so-called coliseum. We escaped a nearing death from Xandra's whopping driving skills. I managed to buy myself a fancy hat and three big pouches of Ilocos Cornick. You get the point. What corner of this country will lead you to THAT excitement with that amount of money in your pocket? Nowhere. I've always wanted that kind of life, I had no curfews to think about, no deadlines to meet, no Boots to demand for access IDs, no worries. All is made available in Baluarte translated "Territory" in my own dialect.

I'm looking forward in writing a sequel to this.

Oops!

2006-01-24T18:54:00.000+08:00

Oops!

I ended up eating my words, I don't really mind. People really make mistakes :) In fact, I'm glad that I have to make this post. I learned that everything I accused of him is wrong. Everything is clear now. We were able to patch things up and work whatever crashed on us for the past week. I feel that I became too hard on him, accusing without evidence. In fact I based my judgments on wrong analysis and reasoning. I really don't have a career in detective work :) Anyway, I think I owe him a lot and I have to make it up to him. I already know the extents of my jealousy ;p It brought me a looong way! Boo!

FOR YOU!!!

For the girl who asked how I got the UST Results....
I think Globe and Smart temporarily deactivated this service.
type-- hello ust ustet (application number) send to 2333 for Globe and 211 for Smart
Service will be activated on January 28, 2006

Love is the scariest thing

2006-01-21T22:15:00.000+08:00

Falling in love has always been the scariest thing that happens to me. I once failed in love and I should've taken that as a sign that I am not for those fantasies.

Betrayal is such a strong word, feeling it is much stronger. It pierces right through your heart, crushing every vein. Tears have been blinding my eyes for hours now, I am losing hope. His lame excuses echoes in my ears, they stay there to let the hurting remain. I'm losing words, all I could type about are nasty thoughts on this thing they call love.

Sure, it is a great thing if you know how to handle situations that seem unbearable (or if you are one in a million of those girls who bagged the good guys). Majority agree with me, boys really suck on love. They feed on pride, they live on the good life. That is all they care about.

Men seems to have the key to your heart's ventricles- the one responsible for emotions, I guess. They easily access it, they easily get in it and they easily stop its beating. It's the 8th wonder, I must say.

I am not foolish, my pastor taught me that God says that people who take you for granted should be let go. There is a better path for you, soon that undeserving man would run to you in that same path but you won't look back anymore. Moving on is always forward. I don't think there is enough room for him to prove his worth. I've given him chances too many. If only I knew every single thing that wronged me in any circumstance. Well there is no way of knowing, I'm leaving it to God, him and THEM. Heartaches could be blessings, too. I would rather be blessed with a good college education than be blinded in a scam relationship. Everything was a fake. He was better than any actor I know. He made me believe, he made me hope, he even made me build dreams with him. I can be independent- building hopes and dreams on my own. No one shall depend her happiness to someone else for she should hold it in her own hands. So when he leaves, she would never have to cut off his hands because joy was never with him to begin with. I was right when I said that all the good things that landed on my lap for the past days has a price to pay. I paid CHEAP. I LOVE LIFE :) God saved me from falling debris on coming days.

Yipee!!!

2006-01-20T18:44:00.000+08:00

January 19, 2006

I have not blogged for a long time. Lately, I don't feel like blogging often and people who talk shit in my Tagboard annoy me a bit... NOT!

Well, Rob and I have been exploring what's to be seen nowadays. We went karting, yachting, riding and many more things that couples hardly think of as a cute thing to do. I'm so bored of the usual movie-in-a-mall habit.

Admitted to the De La Salle

Case No. : 13115
Examinee Name: Villanueva, Maria Katrina Faustino
School : Miriam College High School, Qc
Degree : BS-PSYC

My effort paid off (Right.) I'm kidding here big time! Actually I did not expect to pass the exam coz I slept at 5am before the test. We went clubbing then. Ugh, a toast to God coz He made it possible. I passed my first choice and BS-Psychology in DLSU is really good. I'm still looking forward to some more results... *keeping fingers crossed

mood: preparing for what Xans, Grace, Jourd and I call THE TAFT LIFE: A Sequel to the Good Katipunan Days

The sun's unfailing to shine on me. I'm afraid that soon it'll get me burned.

January 20, 2006

Admitted to the University of Santo Tomas

Hello MA. KATRINA FAUSTINO VILLANUEVA. NURSING-For Interview. BIOLOGY-Passed. For further information, please visit www.ust.edu.ph/ustet or visit the university.

I badly wanted to go to UST and I passed both of my choices. GOD has been blessing me with so many things lately. They only accept 600 out of 13,000 applicants (less than 5%), I guess that time GOD was really watching me. I'm more than happy :) I've given my parents the gift they deserve, I've gained myself some confidence, too. I've learned that GOD doesn't give you something you do not deserve or something that is not for you. In fact, HE helps you decide by eliminating bad choices. Hehehe. Well, not all things are for you.

You have to leave space, you have to feel rejection. By having to do so, you would feel an INTENSE, DEEPER, MORE ECSTATIC feeling of esteem and joy once you've been finally accepted to your real worth.

I pray to GOD that I'll be accepted to UP. UP is UP. There is no other school I desire more than UP but wherever God takes me, I'll let.

Dilemmas....

christmas hurrah!

2006-01-03T13:30:00.000+08:00

I miss blogging, Belated Merry Christmas and a Prosperous New Year to everyone!!!
December 2005 had been the loneliest Christmas. Not that it sucked but if I were to compare it with the previous years, well yeah, its a bit sucky. Or am I growing? They say the season is mainly for kids. Somehow I know people nowadays expect a lonelier celebration than before. I used to spend Christmas eve with my whole family. This time around, some were abroad, some were on their own homes and I was on my own. Boo. New year sucked a little less. Is it because there was less fireworks? Something inside me keeps looking for a missing piece and I am starting to hate it. The more I keep looking, the more I'd feel empty. It's like looking for something that doesn't even exist. People should really stop searching for whatsoever that would make them happy.

Christmas Wishlist

Red Honda sIR

~~iPod Video~~

So there I went enlisting top two things that would make me happy. Hehe!!

-be back soon. lunch

Jen's surprise debut

2005-12-10T15:19:00.000+08:00

Jen's surprise debut at Prince David Deck on December 2, 2005

Nothing special

2005-11-30T19:29:00.000+08:00

Nothing special to write about today.. I just feel like blogging.

Jourd and I saw Exorcism of Emily Rose yesterday at Galleria. the movie scared the hell out of us! I had to drag Jourd to the bathroom when I had to go pee. The very last time I've experienced THAT kind of thrill was The Ring and I swear, Exorcism is waaaaaaaaaaaay wayyy scarier than that. I've never seen anything like it. It's the freakiest flick I've seen and the fact that it is based on a true story adds up to its scariness. It doesn't have any visual monster thing effects and it's weird that it even makes the whole plot freakier. Haha. I've been having second thoughts whether I should do further research about that exorcism or not. I don't really want to open my awareness in those supernatural events. By the way, I salute the actress who starred as Emily Rose. Acting as if you are possessed is a big task, you know.. :D I really recommend this movie to all horror freaks.

Salute the SEA Games athletes!

..This is one of the reasons why I am a proud Filipino. I am never the type who does constant search on foreign descendants. Yeah, I probably have a mixed sort of race but tracing that is crap. Most of my being is Filipino so what is the use of forcing yourselff to be half that and half that and another half of that? Haha. How profound and bullsh*tty. Anyway, our unsung heroes have been gathering Gold medals since day 1. I was reading the paper last Monday and it's really funny how this one official dude hoped for ONE SINGLE gold medal from the athletics. He underestimated the Filipino athletes coz they already bagged around 45 Gold medals in different fields. Sure, we sucked at some of them but we've proven ourselves worthy of being called champions in most of the events. I really encourage the people to support the SEA Games by at least watching our players. I did watch the fencing event and supported my friend from the RP team. He's really my idol and I want to compete in the fencing event in the SEA Games in the far future. BLAH. Cheers to that!

Amidst the daydreams..

I'm not yet an international competitor so as of the meantime, let's talk about my little accomplishments. I've beat Rob in Daytona at Powerstation. He demanded for a rematch coz he could not take defeat. Too bad the card ran out of credits when it was his turn to swipe. HAHA. I'm still the ultimate Daytona champion and he's the undefeated Tong-its winner.

Being absent today did not help me relax at all. In fact, being buried in ultimate boredom stressed me out. The fact that Rob was out with his girl buds (angry) and I had no one to talk to added to that stress so I lit aroma candles, turned on chillax trance music and plunged in my tub til my skin crumbled like prunes. Lovin it... But I must admit that I'm really jealous of these girls he always hangs out with. Besides, why does he have to drop them off their homes after chilling at Bang Coffee?!!! This makes me roar.

Stressed.

2005-11-16T20:10:00.000+08:00

Third year has been clinched and senior year's screwing up big time more than it did it my past three years in high school.

We are supposed to work in triads for our thesis. Unfortunately, Jourd and I teamed up with an idle person. Yeah.. It's not Jourd's fault that she's been suffering from asthma attacks lately so she has the perfect excuses for absenting herself. But this other girl is just plainly..... squeezing out the evil in me. I'm currently rescuing our team from extreme cases of flunking English.

Going back and forth to Philippine Mental Health Association isn't an easy task. For God's sake they haven't granted our request for an interview. The heck?? All we need is a minute or two just so we can ask some hectic "mad healer" about impoverished kiddos.

Ergh.. Enough of that stuff..

Christmas is a bit more than a month away and I don't have dough to spend for my friends and pre-Christams celebrations. Boo! :( I have to enroll myself in a money management agency. Been spending too much in Magnet for fattening cappuccinos.

Listen. Breathe..

A few hours more then I'll be in the LMC grounds again- working on a thesis on solo, doodling on a sheet for THE, whining about wild problems in Physics and finally getting a rest in CL class. Whoa. Thank God for the newly installed aircons :)

Best Sembreak Ever

2005-11-06T19:01:00.000+08:00

The Best Sembreak Ever

Nothing beats an early summer vacation and I made sure that mine would be a big comeback after all the mishaps that happened in the past semester.

Monday: We drove all the way to this "island." My cousin got herself a butterfly tattoo right above her pelvic bones. I dived to the water and surfed, realizing later on that a disgusting cut slashed my foot. (Lesson: Never dive when you aren't sure of the depth of the water)

Tuesday: Pau and I jaded ourselves in the cemetery. We devised a plan to breakaway from ultimate boredom and so we decided to sell homemade chocolates. We brought a bagful of white and brown crisps, and went back to the grave with the exact number of boxes we had. I swear, I'll never do this again. People had nothing to say but beg for free tastes and say they were just rackets. Take note: Poisoned sweets daw sold by persuasive and convincing teenagers. Whoa.

Here goes my favorite part:
Wednesday: We woke up early to prepare the last-minute beach necessities. Rob picked us up and we sped all the way to Subic. We were panicking with his driving skills. We had coffee in NLE Petron and headed straight to Subic. Trip itself was fun. We had the best burgers at Meat Plus, btw, I've never seen THAT MUCH foreigners in Subic, fully chaperoned by their *ahem*. Anyway, we just swam all day at Subic Park Hotel and bummed at night over at Piere One, where I met up with my best bud, Jourd. Night's over, sun's almost up. Tong-its is always there.
Thursday: Johnson, Bryan, Pau and Bryan went ahead to the beach. As usual, batugan Tinay, Rob and Heinz followed at 12 noon. We kayaked and all... Rob and I topped the highest score in the karaoke thing with a duet of Cruisin. Hahaha Too much details..

Juvenile Adventure turned into Untamed Roadtrip

2005-10-23T20:05:00.000+08:00

Smilin' Despite Annoyance

I spent the whole Friday with Pau, Heins and Rob. Things that we were planning to do and what we actually ended up doing were poles apart. Rob went to my house in the morning and caught me dozing in my nightdress. It was the peck on my cheek that woke me up :) Charming but humiliating, I must say. We had lunch at the Fort and he left his car there, too coz we decided to merge in one car. By the time we got to E.K., there were a hundred buses parked for a field trip. Could you just imagine all the people crowding the queues combined with the heat of an October afternoon? Grar. What an utmost encounter with convenience and enjoyment... Not.

Juvenile adventure turned into an untamed roadtrip! Blah.. Blah.. Blah..

.. And we ended the day unwinding over a busy Caltex station in Quezon City. We met with our other friends there. We didn't care if we had to sit on dirty tiles. We just had to live the life we wanted- carefree and blithe. Pau and I played tong-its while watching cars speeding off, accelerating gas pedals and engines like they're running away from a tsunami. I never thought watching illegal drag could be so entertaining! So now I know why my guy's so hooked to this thing. Can't wait to drag on my own *shades*.

Rob turned sick. Probably because with how the day went. Sometimes, you just have to learn to stick to the plan no matter how shitty things appear to be. People may get in the way. It's a matter of how you handle it. I don't really like this certain person who's such a big nuisance in our relationship. Read this, I don't care. Go grab a dictionary and see what it means! He tried to justify himself but there was no way he could straighten up the knots and curves he had done. He had the lamest excuses and reasons. Good thing Rob and I were able to work out what he started. Grr. I can't believe that those people who experience extreme misery have to put their friends in that situation, as well. It's not like it alleviates them, right? Or it does? Well, they say misery loves company. Stupid of the company to join in the misery. Let me tell you one thing. Putting others down doesn't give you the opportunity to be better. You just made a bigger fool out of yourself. Shame on your boasts.

We held a party at the poolside yesterday. I nearly emceed the event but good thing mom realized the consequence once I start to get the ball rolling. I turned up my music and the oldies had queries written all over their faces. Rob came over, too. The teens played Uno Stacko, Videoke and the all-time favorite Tong-its.

Pictures! More of it!

2005-10-20T20:13:00.000+08:00

Since Rob can't make it to Ilocos with us, I withdrew myself from the best sembreak trip ever. Whoa. We're planning to go to E.K. tomorrow. It's better to celebrate Christmas early than be queen of the waiting rails.

This is my new desktop wallpaper :D Something I did out of boredom.

: Opening/promotions for Gateway. Don't ask anymore why I stopped. I hate the fact that I had to dress up for less than 20 seconds with all the guys nearly seeing what's underneath. I cannot tolerate that. It's not my thing. But I do miss it.

Sweet High School

I can't imagine myself leaving high school. I feel like I'm still caught up in Biology class way back in year II, dissecting a live frog with my bare hands. Haha. I sweetly remember that ;) I forgot to bring my hand gloves so I asked my teacher for an extra pair. She told me to face the consequence of irresponsibility. She thought I wouldn't manage, but I did. Bleh, Ms. Alba ;)

I don't know if I can immediately adjust to college life. We'd all be leaving our safe zones now. Oh, sweet Katipunan, how I wish I could dwell in you again (if you get what I mean). Hehe. It's just waaay too inconvenient to study in Taft when you lived all your life in secure, homely Katipunan Avenue. I'll be missing a lot of people and places, too.

1. McDonald's (any Knoller/Atenean will agree)
2. Starbucks (favorite raid cafe of teachers)
3. SBC (place they forget to raid.. haha)
4. Mag net and Barn Bistro (post-exams fave hangout, stress reliever, too.)
5. Taj Ma (private eyeball-with-boylet spot with Persian setting effect kuno)
6. Prince David deck (for those intimate moments.. bwahaha.)

to be continued... my niece is here.. she's just too cute to resist.

HIM.

2005-10-18T22:23:00.000+08:00

Nothing really spares him from being just normal. He was the typical kind of guy- fond of cars, avoids school, digs chicks and hangs around in bars in metropolitans. What makes him special is the fact that he is more than that- he's my best friend, my gimmick buddy, my honey. Is it really okay to fall in love again after getting hurt several times?

I read from somewhere that love has this certain formula that once it is triggered, your brain is doomed to stupidity. And that's what makes love addicting. Haha. Almost anything that brings foolishness is addicting, right? The five vices, for instance: slashing, drugs, sex, smoking and drinking (especially elaborated by Yapi) Would you mind making a check list for me? :) Add love to that.

Anyway, I'm not in a rush. I have a semester left to savor every pain/joy in high school. Then hello to university grounds.

Upcoming events: Shoot- Dress to Impress: Open Party Nov. 12: Salcedo Village; Creme: Parte Oct. 29: World Trade

The Trouble with Goodbye

2005-10-05T21:45:00.000+08:00

The Trouble with Goodbye

Not everyone can handle adieu. It's never true that soon you'd get over having left those beloved...

This is a story written too late. My brother married her ages ago but the fact that he has a new life now hasn't sunk in. So I'm writing.

The eldest left our family 2 years ago and decided to live with her after she had borne my niece. She was named Aissey Viancea, after her parents (Aaron and Vanessa). They married when Aissey was nearly a year old.

The second left for the States a week after he finished college. He actually flew to catch up with his girlfriend whom he swore to God he would marry right after graduation. Sweet, huh? Indeed for us, it was as bitter as russet chocolate.

Yes, they are my half-brothers but the two of them fused together make not one. Each of them is worth more than 10 brothers and having two makes me feel I have a whole tribe of guys watching over me. I simply love it!

I could not take why they had to leave. Mom told me that it's expected for a man to leave his family of upbringing for the new family he decided to build. What makes me fret even more is when I see my brother hanging around and having to work part-time just so his kid could have a chunk of padded paper to shit on. I'd rather not see him at all.

He's there alright. Worse is that he's hanging around, nosing your business like he used to but why can't I have him back in his room playing his screeching electric guitar? Why can't he have two ears and four eyes on me when guy friends conquer the living lounge? He's there at my fingertips but he isn't that same mischievous microbe anymore.

I feel that we're yet too young to part. I was 16 then and they were on their early 20's. I did not get the chance to spend the peak of teenage years with them. I imagined the next few years to be spent feeding my hungry personality together with my brothers. Ohh.. Missed.

I did not say goodbye the morning my second brother left for the good ol' American Dream. He drove me to school and I banged the door, as usual without any farewell dialogues (no tributes, speeches whatsoever). It was when I was in the assembly that tears escaped my eyes.

I do not believe in adieus (even in deaths). Ever heard the phrase No letting go? It works that way. Tomorrow I'd see him again. Beyond seas, beyond skies... There is no such thing as long distance. I see myself back in my childhood.

I would find a way that we'd all be together again. We're all under the same sky.

Bad times do happen bigtime.

2005-09-27T21:02:00.000+08:00

I haven't blogged for a long time and I have lots to spill....

Bear with me because September showered me with boulders and I'm definitely not in the mood to count my blessings like how retreat master taught us.

It has a price to pay.

Every girl reaches the point in her life where she experiences pure bliss- no bad shot, no cold relationships, no single trace of stress in your academic existence, I mean, all good things that an average high school stud slash bum slash party animal can wish for. I've been thankful for that but I didn't know that it had a price to pay.

You probably know what I'm talking about. It's either you've been here or it's yet too soon to come. Fate designs its own path that would surely not fail to run over you. There's no way out. You would really meet people who would betray you. Even the most trusted ones can. I thought we found a sense of security in him, I thought he could somehow compensate her wrongdoings in our past year. Ooh, we are wrong. Betrayal is such a strong word; but it perfectly fits him.

Turning Point

Detail by detail, you would understand but I won't get to that. I'll simply bore the hell out of you if I do so. To cut it short, September's been a fucked up month and it doesn't end right then and there.

I can't wait until I get my feet on university grounds. I couldn't wait until I could enjoy a simple freedom. I just want the nosy world out of my life. I just want that piece of security that could linger in my mind whenever I do wrong. I just want a small sense of privacy that had been slipping through my fingers all throughout my high school life. I don't want any more YLC's, advisers and counselors. I am my own dictator. I am old enough to know what I must do. It's just that my hands cannot reach out to that guidance. I need to make mistakes to learn. I need to sin to grow. I need to cry to move on. I need not listen to more sermons they have to say because I already heard enough and they don't need to rub it in my face.

I'm still thankful. I know I'd be looking back at this once I enter one of the thousand doors. "I'd laugh at this," I say to myself. I know I will. I still have a lot ahead of me and a mere negative experience cannot hold me from being a cardiologist (columnist is fine).

Control Yourself and Count..

I have my family, my friends, Rob and my God. Disregard all shit that happened because it's already there. Go on with my life. It is still beautiful.

Archived Pictures (What's left in my picture chest?)

Was grounded

2005-09-06T18:24:00.000+08:00

I was grounded for two weeks and my mom threw my smart sim out the window (LOL) so don't text there anymore. Thank God for heavenly grades I was able to get my phone back. A week without a tool for nonsense chitchatting drove me insane. I do have a new sun number, to my friends out there: I'm finding a way to get in touch with you.

Been busy lately, September started with a bang! It all happened the way I described it in my previous entry. Grr. I won't spill the details.. Much of a long story you wouldn't want to hear about.

I'm living a quiet life right now- no more nightouts, no more extended socializing (haha). I've been pretty busy with studies, fencing and simple hangouts at Cafe del Mar (Seattle's Best). Thanks to my friends and Rob for being ever so supportive especially when I went through the sh*t.

No fun updates, my stories are boring ;) I'll just post our grad pics here tomorrow or sooner.

Pink Roses

2005-08-26T20:22:00.000+08:00

28. What is the sweetest thing a guy has ever did to you?

The question came just in time right after it happened to me. Rob gave his usual after school call and what faced him was a torn heart. I decided to call it a day, after all the sobbing and screaming (that's how I release it). And right before I dozed off, he rang me and was saying I should go down our lobby. Wow! He stepped out of his laid car and gave me the sweetest bouquet of pink roses. I asked him why he had to when in fact, he wasn't the reason I was crying. He simply said he did not want me to cry whoever the reason may be. It was so cute seeing him in his HIRM attire and then immediately speeding off right after delivering a bunch of flowers. He seemed like a thirteen-year old boy courting a crush the first time.

BV? BV?

I had a quite simple celebration for my 17th year of existence. I had my friends coming over for a Japanese-Korean supper, extremely beautified then headed to hometown Temple, Greenbelt. We were all having a great time until my friend, Kim lost her clutch. You guessed right, it was stolen and we didn't find it. End of the story.

Busy August!

Probably because we were starting a new term and because I've been killing time in Ardz too much lately. Almost everyday we set our asses there just battling with the ultimate champ, Rico. Haha.

My script won third yesterday in the Human Diorama this Filipino month. Congrats to my co-scriptwriters and the cast of Noli Me Tangere. Extended salutations to Pao and Kim for looking very much like guys yesterday. It was freaky, swear. Iv-2, please stay hot :)

Life's pretty much going smooth this August and I have a feeling that it has a price to pay. I'm bracing myself for a rough September 2005.

I miss blogging, by the way.

Deafening her ears: Be My World (I heard this from Rob's sounds)

2005-08-16T19:46:00.000+08:00

I was halfway through reading the Breakup Diaries when all of a sudden, there's this who-does-she-think-she-is kid who demanded for my ID and my book. I was trying to contest to her silently coz her stupidity was dragging much attention. She annoyingly said she was warning me for the last time, yeah, as if she warned me before that. I don't feel the need to sign another brown slip so for God's sake, I'm letting the book go. And as for that kid whom I clearly remember to be wearing a BLUE P.E. and funny shaped glasses, *ahem*... I'm giving you your first and final warning. Frosh freaks!

Physics Blues!

No surprise nearly everyone failed Physics. That's what everyone gets for studying nothing but funny accents :( I faired pretty fine in the other subjects.

In His face

I perfectly knew how he would treat me now so I tried to show my best pretensious face. Yeah, I have a perfect picture in mind what moves he's planning to do next. I'm wise now, silly. You can't play with my heart anymore. Maybe its your turn to be spun.

Can't wait 'till you discover how great my life's been since you've been well, out of it. You'd know soon. There's such thing as karma.

Been trying to preoccupy myself with my bestbuds, C9 in Ardz and the Barn Bistro. My arm is killing me but swear, I'm starting to master billiards. Thanks to Pau, Brian and Rob :) Been missing more than two weeks of fencing. I miss everyone there especially my personal trainor Al. ;)

BTW, I learned about the levels of possession a guy has in store for any girl. When she sticks out her finger, he asks for her hand. When she lends him her hand, he grabs her whole arm.

Currently plastered to her MD: Pink is a Colour
Currently glued to her fingertips: Breakup Diaries

for the love of being a scholar & picture palace

2005-08-09T18:50:00.000+08:00

For the Love of Being a Scholar

Pao took it the day before I did and she said it was a piece of cake; so I didn't bother to make last-minute cramming anymore. Traffic was heavy as expected so I was forced to walk under the rain not equipped with my trusty umbrella. I strode towards Palma Hall keeping a slow pace, trying to listen to comments being made by the people who have gone that morning. I was struck by many different faces- is this going to be my school? And by the time I got there, there were at least a thousand students who were pushing their lucks as me. Math wasn't easy and before I realized there was only a minute ticking 'til the next, I had left more than 15 questions left unanswered. I was so distracted by a seatmate who constantly murmured numbers and by this guy across me who kept on looking back as if he was waiting for an answer from behind. Time ran out so I randomly shaded a few oblongs- wrong move, Tinay. I was reminded that I picked BS Math as my first choice course so I was desperately trying to flip through the Math section again, hoping to figure those problems out. I didn't care about my Reading Comprehension. For God's sake, the excerpts were as boring as Economics class! No good. Ergh, as the old dude from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory said, "Everybody has a chance." It's not a mere entry to a factory though; it’s an entry to your future. *fingers tightly crossed*

A Past Entry I Forgot to Publish
*PICTURE PALACE PART II: Reborn*

Hover over please.

No twists for me.

2005-07-21T21:48:00.000+08:00

It's puzzling to figure out how fate twists people's lives, a tragedy turning into a fairy tale or the other way around, mine would be an exception, though. I've been going through the SAME sh*t, and I swear, having to live the same routine everyday could even be more stressing.

I'm currently trying to follow my anonymous commentator's advice. Actually I've done that so many times before, but this time I'm exerting more effort. I'm preoccupying myself with my studies, cheerleading and fencing (nourishing my unhealthy social life, too). I can say it pretty much worked but after seeing a movie today with him, ergh.. my efforts vanished and I'm back to square 1. I remained calm when I felt his cell phone constantly vibrate while watching this fiction movie. He acted as if he didn't feel it but his face showed he was nervous. I made him read the message and when he did, he snatched it out of my sight. Hah! I knew something's really going on. It was a girl. Named Abbie. (Sorry to say these things but I just had to let it out) Probably another entertainer from Malate. Admit it. Those girls can be extremely pretty, not to mention undeniably aggressive, too. I forced myself to remain steady. Is it in men's nature to flirt around with dirty girls? Trivia: Malate bitches are fond of Chinese guys daw. *Hysterically laughs*

Raid Prostitutes!
I'm chatting with a friend of mine right now and she corrected me. Those girls his barkada is hooking up with aren't prostitutes. They're just the type of girls who show up in bars to bitch around but aren't necessarily paid. HAH! This case is worse. Come to think of it, they do this not for a living but because they just want to. Disgusting but true.

I want to believe that they're together. I want to believe that they're doing well so that I may move on with my life without hesitations and regrets. He always drops hints and reasons that there is still chance for the both of us. It's so selfish of him to do so. He just doesn't want to lose a girl. So there. I guess I'm out of the picture. God's so nice that He gave him back to me the second time around. This time, not for the sake that we'd be able to give it another shot but for the sake for me to know how shitty he could get. I guess I'm giving him away to that Abbie. It's always the bastard's loss if he chooses the bitch over a bone.

My apologies to the people who are affected by this entry

Longest Elevator Ride

2005-07-17T23:50:00.000+08:00

Longest Elevator Ride

It was 2:30 in the morning, dawn of our supposedly 11th month, when I experienced one of the loneliest times of my life. He came over to check on me, but it didn't make me feel better- it made everything worse. I thought I was carefree about him anymore and thought that I wouldn’t mind if he starts dating other girls but when his cell phone constantly rang, it made me anxious. He was always amused of indecent girls, and I think I already knew what had happened a few hours before that moment. This was a good reason why I must move on. I perfectly understood that he loved me, but it was not the kind of love that would make him stay put and defend this relationship. He made me leave his car. After a few hesitations, I agreed to do so but I didn't go up to call it a night. I just stayed outside and waited to see if he would come back. Unfortunately, he didn't. My pride already sunk together with Titanic so I dialed his number and told him to come back. There were no words he spoke that made me feel secure. I knew that he could easily replace me for anyone, anytime. I simply cuddled him and as always, promised that to be the last. When will my mind reign over my entirety? I wish he wouldn't drop signs that would make me feel that there is still hope, but he always does.

I let go of his touch and pressed the elevator button. My knees felt weak and I fell to the floor. It was the longest elevator ride and it had to be a time alone. The last time I recall, he was with me when this same moment occurred. Tears frenziedly fell from my eyes, but there weren't clear reasons. I waited for the sun to rise, and expected that it would cleanse me anew. I didn't care about anything, careless about the conceit I already lost long ago. I whispered to myself that it would be over soon. I’ve already gone through 7 months of misery, I guess there's only a few to go. Tears still uncontrollably rolled as I slumbered with blinded eyes.

helplessly in vain

2005-07-10T22:33:00.000+08:00

Helplessly in Vain

His familiar careless gestures welcomed me. His hug wasn't warm anymore, his kisses were rough and ungentle. His ways brought surprise to me; it wasn't the way it used to be. We quietly lay together in our own clandestine moments and I was thinking that he would be mine again. He harshly unleashed the mystery and gave me the thought that no matter what effort I show, he will never be the same again. He hurriedly brushed my hair with his immense, throbbing fingers. I burnt with sorrow while he burnt with infatuation. Tears from my eyes rolled down, then gone from his sight as they dried on his flesh, cotton shirt. He said he isn't ready yet to commit and those few words defined my tomorrow and the days after that. It was pure envy reigning over his head as he selfishly faked the words he thought would make me feel better. I was more than foolish those moments, I was indeed a rat tempted by a cheese, eventually falling for the trick despite the its consequences. He neatly lit another cigar, regardless of the puzzlement clearly painted on my face. I was trash and wasted as he relentlessly rushed me home and left me with nothing but more misery.

I am now secure, safely loved by this pretentious creature. I make believe his alluring words were genuine. I conceal my mind with a wonderful remembrance and cover my eyes with a strip of torn cloth and let my heart take over. I am slave to my feelings and his playful character... All for the sake of what they call devotion and for the chance to be fallen for in return.

Of Heartaches

2005-07-07T21:04:00.000+08:00

Of Heartaches

I've been infatuated for quite a number of months and have been in love for nearly a year- with a man who doesn't speak a word about it at all. It was as if he was doing it for a reason probably to drive away from commitments and you know how things get tangled up when you’re attached like a battle with no surrender, a clown losing its humor. I pretty much feel the same way for he never said words of gratitude for the simplest favors I carry out for him. He's sightless about the spark my eyes clearly show; pitiful for my effort that desperately embraces his ego; numb to feel how great I truthfully believe that the two of us spell out the noun belongingness. It's ironic how I manage to stay in love even more each day. How can I devote myself to a man who advises me to write the story of my tragedy to "Maalaala Mo Kaya" every time I ask how much I mean to him? How can I care for a man who always tells me how dense and foolish I get whenever I seek attention from him? How can I constantly let my heart reign over my mind when every beat it sheds out screams mourns of agony in heartaches? His poisoning scent becomes more addicting than paranoia. His hurtful words uttered by a terribly-husked pitch rewind in my head. His heinous shortcomings haunt my daydreaming minutes. My story ends here, as a fruitless romantic. I shall never quest to be loved by him for he shall never learn the art of loving a helpless woman. I shall walk through confusion- looking forward for his warm embrace and looking back at a dull past; also stealing glimpses beside my shadow that whispers that we shall never be...

Shock of a Lifetime!!

2005-07-04T21:12:00.000+08:00

A Decent Coffee + Indecent Issue = Good Friday night

He picked me up from a 70's event in NBC so I was in my little, dramatic, black dress. What HE told me put me into the immediate shock of my life. I can't believe that somehow he feels more pitiful for the average girl than the bitch. I'm literally speaking here. You see, this guy who never really learned to embrace normative knowledge battled with me on a Friday-Greenbelt night. We just sat in Seattle's, sipped our coffees and clashed until our asses went ablaze. I have nothing against prostitutes; it's just that their poverty will never become a fair excuse. An hour had passed.. then two.. and another. I wasn't even sure who gets the point afterwards.

Battle of the Sexes

It's just silly of him to see in a perspective of a pleasure-maker when in fact he'd always reminded me of the sense of chastity. Foolish of him to mold me to become conservative and innocent yet he'd always been fond of hot and liberated ladies. You get what I mean. I hate the way guys think!!! They get very irrational when it comes to simple reasoning, what more for a complicated relationship? I also hate the way we, girls desperately want to live out our fantasies. We've become so idealistic that when guys fail us (which happens most of the time), we tend to be very aggravated as if it were the end of the world. He and I really DO have different perspectives for I would rather suffer a weeklong or so scrubbing a washroom's tiles or scrapping garbage to be brought in a junkshop than sell my flesh to some obnoxious maniac. Thank you, God for giving me a sign.

It's a Happy Ending After All..

2005-06-26T18:43:00.000+08:00

Call me Foolish but this is how my story goes..

Often times, you don't really achieve your goal of forgetting someone when you start dating other people. Most of the time when you look for happiness, you end up getting desperate rather than just being lonely. Now I know the saying's true, "happiness comes from wanting what you have not having what you want." When you constantly go out and force yourself in the dating crowd, you'd feel emptier inside. You'd know that looking for another one isn't an answer because no one could ever replace the one you left. You'd soon realize that what you're looking for simply cannot be found in the sea of strangers that you think would suffice the process towards "moving on." RARELY does it happen that what you're searching for is the person right beside you or is the person you left. I'm glad that unusual magic occurred to me.

There's still this issue between the battle of your mind and heart that I never learned to master. To the professor of devotion, please advise me when to use either. I've been a slave to confusion and I want to be unleashed..

It's funny how fate manages to tie two people who grew to be so different. After months of being apart, I didn't really expect that destiny would still bring us together. Not as lovers, though but as the best of friends; this time, a genuine kind of friendship. There aren't any more barriers, no more people who are trying to drag us down to hell with them, and most of all; we've closed our worlds exclusively to ourselves. I just discovered that people around you are the ones who usually cause arguments between couples. The sad truth is, no matter how great the role of others is for lovers, they must try not to center the relationships on them. You should keep in mind the reality- the world is becoming crueler everyday. You won't have enough of people who are relentlessly pulling others down. Stories and lyrics of lovers' tragedies seem like Last Song Syndromes to me. I had enough. I'm trying to shut myself from idealism and live my own fantasies no matter how far they seem to be. If they don't come to be, then so be it. It just seems like it's my only key to happiness. I just have to wait; someone would build crazy fancies with me.

My Own

2005-06-21T21:53:00.000+08:00

My Own

Realizing that Ever Afters aren't for everyone, no one should search for the knight in not-so-shining armor. The most beautiful romance happens not between lovers, the perfect moments happen amidst the silence. The beauty of the song played by the orchestra is not heard at the finale, the music of lovers only exists in their fantasies, it is their heartbeats they're hearing play. Your prince charming is not the man from your dreams but is the reality man who tries to kiss not your lips but your imperfections. There is no such thing as fairy tales come to life but only how you make yours a living tale. And the perfect Ever After begins here..

First day funk

2005-06-17T16:59:00.000+08:00

The first three days of my last year in High School had been stressing already. Been down with the flu for 5 days already but I had to force myself to get my ass in school. UPCAT forms were due so I had to rush to Kodak and fake a healthy smile. Picking a campus and a course is already way too head-straining. Uh, I chose BS Mathematics and BS Molecular Biology and Biotechnology- the two subjects I think I'm good at (or at least I'm pretty confident about). We're required to take electives so I had to battle with 70+ students for 40 slots in Physiology. I've absented myself from fencing lessons because of these reasons.

I'm not yet ready for school!!! I'm suffering from a major summer hangover- the beach, skins and the sun: my favorite trio. Hehe

To my REAL, CONFIRMED friends: please add my private friendster account. I'll soon get rid of the other 13. Thank you!
tinay@private.com

Random Pics

2005-06-17T16:26:00.000+08:00

Diane, Pao, Kim, Raffy, Tinay, Pau

tsk tsk

2005-06-10T18:48:00.000+08:00

Caught Up
So fed up with the news and all.. Recent scandals bring a big shame on our country's reputation (at least what's left of it). It's ironic how the few chosen we put in position are the ones who have the nerve to disappoint the people. Who cares if it's really Gloria talking to some dude, planning a billion dollar trick on the Filos? That's the natural state of politic-ing here. Might as well get the hang of it. The best we can do is simply stop stressing ourselves over some desperate issue. Just work hard, earn your own bread and prove to the crooked leaders that you don't need a damn from them to stay breathing. I swear to God, hopeless na ang Pilipinas.

Whew.. So many freaks!!
Moving on.. Here's my response to some guy who messaged me in friendster. The heck!:
I'm sorry but I can't remember the last time I went out with a guy who has his head over the clouds. Sorry I wasnt thinking what you quoted. If this interests you, I was saying to myself, YEAH THIS GUY'S FEET ARE WAY ABOVE THE GROUND AND HIS BIG FAT ASS HAS ALREADY TAKEN OVER TSK TSK.. HAHAH chong wag mashado mayabang!! hahahaha

Seth wrote:
> haha hey sup sugar plum !? hey i have a big fat
> hard ass that I got from training my butt off in the
> gym! haha and i got a freakin solid ass rock abs
> too...(its a six pack)...yah...i know what ur
> thinking.."he is one hot guy" haha well thats
> true..ehem* so anyway wanna kick it with me
> sometime? lets say in eastwood? haha it would be
> fun..we could watch a movie..together...rarr (think
> about it...baby..mwah mwah rarr)

pahabol picss

2005-06-06T16:31:00.000+08:00

subic getaway!!! here are some of the pics i wasn't able to post. ;p

HOY faker!

2005-06-03T20:43:00.000+08:00

To the impostr out there.. Please find something else to do so you'd stop bugging me. And mind you, I'm not affected. I can trace your IP, sana mag-isip ka before doing something! It's really funny how you think you can pretend to be Mike. I don't really mind if you have something negative to say, as long as you put your real name. I'd be grateful pa. In case you still wanna pretend, make it realistic next time, ayt? ROTFL.

Been swimming too much lately. Pool in Corinthians is sooo addicting, I just figured I need to make the most out of (umm..) 12 days before school starts. Grar!!! I don't even have books yet. Crazy Crissy dragged me to Metrowalk last night. It was fun just having your ass sitting around restaus as if waiting for some miracle to happen. So there, we just tripped on food, waited for her friends to arrive then resumed the pork sisig trip. As for the miracle, ah eh, walang dumating.

Fencing training resumes today. They put me in the UST team and I'm not even attending that school. It's alright, though. I'm not completely depending despite the advantage coz it's really the entrance test that counts but sure fire, I already have a school in college (Yay!) Busy busy again... I miss my friends!! All of them!! The C9ers and Seventeen and ofcourse my classmates.. Living my complexities in life simply isn't the same without them :( That's one of the few reasons why I like going to school. So there..

random pics

2005-05-31T21:10:00.000+08:00

i feel too lazy to post other pics.. i swear, pics in my photo bank are already piling up.. my infrared port is busted but will deal with that soon. past few days has been tiring. was in cantina last saturday (this was the revelation day with my review friends :[) then to katips for a pool game. i've beaten a guy thrice. (yeah!) and finally to piere one and prince of jaipur that evening with my girlfriends. again, i was stag of the night. was in the fort, too yesterday coz i couldn't stand the boredom at home, mind you, i went there wearing house clothes. didn't really care, as long as i had something to see other than the walls of my room. i've seen house of wax thrice on three different days, i'm sick of it!! i've come close in memorizing their lines and knowing which part to close my eyes.. LOL.

summer is almost over but i'll end mine with a bang for sure!! i don't feel like going to 4th year anymore, i wanna go to college straight.. if only there's a way. i'm sick of seeing MC's muddy courts and old old old classrooms. plus i heard it already ran out of good teachers. so there.. that's about it..

mood: loveless.. haha

Ever After

2005-05-26T22:51:00.000+08:00

Ever After

Three years ago, my journey began
Chasing down with you, no plan in hand
Just your pulse, my raising guide in the dark
Just no win with conviction from the start

The moment your eyes made an introduction
I found my second value in the breath of life
Flawless to the point of being collie
I fell all for, your imperfections

And now its like the weather is slightly warmer
Hands gripped together, eye to eye through the storm, yeah
I still believe in ever after, with you
Cause life is a pleasure with you by my side
And there aint no pourin', in this rainbow weekend ride
I still believe in ever after, with you

Nothing compares to the good times
Feels like were floating when the rest have to climb
You made me believe in love and all the perfect kind
A real messy beautiful twisted sunshine

Emotions I gave it eruptions
We both still care, so its still alive
Tunnel vision, determination
I want you; I want to make it right

And now its like the weather is slightly warmer
Hands gripped together, eye to eye through the storm, yeah
I still believe in ever after, with you
Cause life is a pleasure with you by my side
And there aint no pourin', in this rainbow weekend ride
I still believe in ever after, with you

Lonelier than ever

2005-05-24T19:00:00.000+08:00

Living free..

I've been to busy lately. Yeah, busy finding myself and it has done no good at all. I realized you can't find a piece of yourself when the fucking world is hiding it from you. I was admitted in the hospital last Friday til Sunday. Being injected many times sucked, being unable to move around pissed me off, being confined in a four-cornered room killed me and to top it all off, some person in my love history completely ruined the remaining days of my summer. I knew it right from the start. I shouldn't put myself into situations I can't get out of. Now, I'm stuck and left hanging when it should be the other way around. I thought God has good karma for me the second time around. I'm back to the days when I would "stick" my lungs out and worry myself over the past that will never come back, things that I've hoped for but is far from happening. I'm happy that I have review school friends who have been distracting me psychologically coz of their crazy ideas but this weekend, it will all come to an end. Again, I'm left alone in my suicidal world. I wanna get lost with someone.. To live a life without rules.. No limitations.. Yung tipong you're driving on a zigzag road towards a mountain and you're on the passenger seat screaming the lyrics the CD's playing. Tas itatapon niyo cel niyo sa dagat. No calls from parents, no civilization, to live in the outside world. Gusto kong maghubad at humiga sa damo, manood ng stars or ng sunset. Gusto kong lamukin, ubuhin at maligo sa ulan, banggain kotse ko at limutan lahat ng problema. I wanna be free.. I want to discover what I lived for. I want to find the parts of myself that he took. Look into yourself, I know you want that too. The world has been too tiring and stressing already. There's been no room for relaxation and peace. If I were to be born again, I'd pick to be a mountain person. They are happy with what they are and what they have. The philosopher in me said that happiness comes from wanting what you have and not having what you want. We all deserve that kind of life but the barriers that hinder me from freedom are the rules set by other people. I'm just afraid with what they would think of me, when in fact all I want is peace of mind. Why do people have to judge you when in fact they don't know a shit about you? Where do you find the place wherein you could deeply reflect without anyone dictating what you must do? Where do you find yourself? Or is it just meant not to show up until you give up and surrender yourself to the cruel world? I'm terribly lost. I need someone. Just one. Urgent. I can't hold on anymore.

Sad narrative

2005-05-23T19:45:00.000+08:00

I've leaned about this girl who was intimately in love with a boy who never really returned the love she gave. The girl grew in that relationship believing that the boy's feelings towards her were sincere. Boy was abrasive and rude to the point that he physically hurts the girl. I recall the time he practically demanded her to step out of his speeding car. Not to mention the day when the girl knew about the boy's sexual involvement with a prostitute (occurred during courtship days). Girl considered her boyfriend's curses and bad mouthing as a habit. She took every nasty word he said. She completely swallowed her pride leaving nothing behind but her saliva too slick of asking the boyfriend's whereabouts. Her ears were too tired of hearing excuses that were evidently and effortlessly made up. Her eyes were blinded by the things she wants to believe about their relationship. Her friends, of course gave words of ditching him. They sounded easy to accomplish but none succeeded in implanting human rights on the pitiful girl. Many times did the boy breakup with her with no apparent reason, yes, simply because "he needed space"- the familiar words of the many effortless men. She was left with no choice but to accept the bitter end of their togetherness. She tried to move on, writing entries about inspirational experiences in her life, particularly commenting about the the beauty of what's left in this world of players and lies. She wrote pieces about people wearing masks knowing behind her mind that she was just one of them. Girl was merely tired of loving. It became addictive for her, it was just too painful. The gaping hole in her heart the boy left was never filled. Though it was complemented by a number of suitors, she would never love again. The sad part was, loving had become her chief trauma. The boy came around again, wanted her back. She never learned her lesson.. There she went, ready to fall in love in the flames of hell.. risking what's left of her mistreated body. Do you know who she is?... I do..

hehe

2005-05-13T23:37:00.000+08:00

My crush texted me last night. *Giggles* ...

Ginebra

2005-05-12T01:42:00.000+08:00

Ginebra's commercial: Bilog ang mundo is indeed = Libog ang mundo. Pardon me, but it's really implying that phrase. There's a subliminal message that most people overlook. Just analyze what the commercial was trying to get to you. With the sexy girls and all.. You're starting to make sense now, Mr. Cartman :P

Admit it, you didn't know, right? :D

Lay low

2005-05-09T19:56:00.000+08:00

Trying to live a lain low life. They say the simpler you turn your life into, then good things that would come will be appreciated more. I've always lived life to its maximum complexities so basically this has been the root to my occasional unhappiness. Been listing down things to smile about and so far it's working :) My line's cut. Yeah, exceeded my credit limit again. Been sending useless quotes to almost everyone on my phonebook, I'd be using my prepaid number temporarily.

Welcome back, life!!! I've lost you for quite some time and I'm glad I have been bringing the pieces back together. Nothing can take you away from me again. Especially not now that I've learned to become stronger...

more of heartaches

2005-05-06T22:00:00.000+08:00

A Story about Pretension

After a heartache, you end up wearing a mask to let people think that everything's okay but in reality, you're dying inside. You make yourself look perfectly fine when in fact only a fake smile and silly chinks on your eyes are plastered on your face. It's better to let it out coz when you do, you would achieve that peace of mind and start finding that piece of yourself that man took. It's funny coz no matter how ridiculous you appear to be, people hardly notice. They don't see the miseries you keep, the anguish hidden beneath your plastic face, the hurtful words that rewind in your mind, the tears that invisibly fall from your feeble eyes and the cries you countlessly screamed.. The sad part of this is, you are the only one who hears the shrieks of pain and the tears that die on your lips are as salty as the Dead Sea. Yet, in their eyes, you are that perfect person you try to appear to be. You secretly wish they'd get a hint but everyone's too busy pretending, as well. Life is nothing but a matter of surviving a fucked up world. Thanks, anyway. I've always been thankful no matter how God already showered me with stones (boulders, rather.)

This is a poem specially made for me by a close friend who knows my deepest insights.
Untitled by Mark Reymel Ocampo

This is the last kiss of your rain.
Not tempted by one single candy cane.
The first cut is the deepest.
Someday you will lay into rest.

My fingers are amulets.
They're always crossed.
Your fingers are daggers.
And it was your loss

May Mayhem!

2005-05-02T22:58:00.000+08:00

May Mayhem!

Last Friday was spent in Ipanema with Ina, Enzo and Kim. Was bored at home so at 12am I finally decided to go after debating myself. Went there the day after too, with Kenson, Markus and Christine. Ipanema blues are driving me crazy. For the next few weeks, I'd absent myself there first, I'm sick of it!

Early Bell

Review classes started today and I can't believe I don't belong to the same section as Nikki's, Bryan's and Thistle's. It's a long UPCAT review, I must say, 26 sessions spent half day is too much but that's a short span to study everything since the 1st year :) I wish school functions this way, as well LOLZ

Disappointed but not Bothered.

I'm quite disappointed with what I learned about a "friend." He seemed to be nice at first but when you get to know what's beneath his skin, HAH! He's one of those G.I.s I previously talked about. That's life, people have the freedom to choose their own gods. In his case, money was the subject to be worshipped. I'm completely blew off by this attitide. No more chinks for you, Tinay!

If I were to choose the song in this point of my life, it would be "It's Like That" by Mariah. No time to cry, just making the most of life! That's how life should go, anyway. (After you've already been through the shit, it's about time to have the clouds between your knees)

players

2005-04-29T19:54:00.000+08:00

A Generation of Women

What do you do when the person you like happens to be a player in the past? Do you take the chance of being played on or you'd rather stay on the safe side of the fence? When you hear the words, "Chickboy yan and everytime he passes by the Nursing section of our building, he parts the women like Red Sea," is it worth the risk?

I'm sick of martyr women, sacrificing their own pride for the sakes of deceiving boyfriends and husbands. I'm just too tired of ending up in sobs and tears again. I swore to God in countless times that I shall never be infatuated to someone unless there is a definite assurance. In this case, there is none so I better bear in mind that most men are polygamous. Indeed, I have personally proven that theory and so far, there has been no exception to the rule. I never heard a woman tell her happily ever after with a man who has been faithful for the past years. I am not stupid anymore and I'll stand by my word. So I guess I'll take the risk, or yet, let that man pass by. It's about time men knew how it feels like to be left hanging.

Woman, no more hurting, promise me..

Badtrip!

2005-04-28T20:08:00.000+08:00

Read this!!! It's hilarious! :)

Anak,

Medyo mabagal akong magsulat ngayon dahil alam
kong mabagal ka ring magbasa. Nandito na kami sa
Estados Unidos para bantayan ang bagong biling bahay ng kapatid mo.
Pero hindi ko maibigay sa iyo ang address dahil dinala ng dating nakatira
ang address para daw hindi na sila magpalit ng address.

Maganda ang lugar na ito at malayo sa Manila.
Dalawang beses lang umulan sa linggong ito,
tatlong araw noong una at
apat na araw noong pangalawa.

Nakakainis lang ang mga paninda dito katulad nun
nabili ko na shampoo dahil ayaw bumula.
Nakasulat kasi "FOR DRY HAIR" kaya hindi ko
binabasa ang buhok ko pag ginagamit ko. Mamaya ay
ibabalik ko sa Walmart at magrereklamo ako.

Noong isang araw naman ay hindi ako makapasok sa
bahay dahil ayaw bumukas ng padlock. Nakasulat kasi
ay "YALE", eh aba namalat na ako sa kasisigaw ay hindi pa din
bumubukas. Magrereklamo din
ako sa nagbenta ng bahay, akala nila hindi ko
alam na SIGAW ang tagalog ng "YALE",
wise yata ito!

Mayroon nga pala akong nabili na magandang
jacket at tiyak na magugustuhan mo. Ipinadala ko na sa iyo
sa "Federal Express" medyo mahal daw dahil mabigat ang mga
butones kaya ang ginawa ko ay tinanggal ko na lang ang mga butones at inilagay
ko na lang sa bulsa ng jacket. Ikabit mo na lang pag dating diyan.

Nagpadala rin ako ng tseke para sa mga nasalanta
ng bagyo, hindi ko na pinirmahan dahil gusto ko na
maging anonymous donor. Nakakahiya naman kung
ipagkakalat ko pa.

Ang kapatid mo palang si Jhun ay may trabaho na
dito, mayroon siyang 500 na tao sa ilalim niya. Nag-
gugupit siya ngayon ng damo sa memorial park, okey naman ang kita
above minimum ang sahod.

Nakapanganak na rin pala ang ate baby mo, hindi
ko pa alam kung babae o lalake kaya hindi ko pa masasabi na kung ikaw
ay bagong uncle or auntie.
Wala na akong masyadong balita. Sumulat ka na
lang ng madalas.

Love,
Mama

p.s. Maglalagay sana ako ng pera, kaya lang ay
naisara ko na ang envelope. Next time na lang ha..

palawan

2005-04-26T22:20:00.000+08:00

I'm One with the Beach

Let me take you to the beautiful land of Palawan...

Palawan's beauty nearly left me speechless. People there were very friendly, too. A dude even gave me a big pirates' gallion, bottles of honey, etc.. Ugh.. I'm running out of words... Palawan is definitely a must-see! :) I'll update this soon.

pope

2005-04-21T20:38:00.000+08:00

Starting Anew

I won't let what happened to Mike and I two days ago ruin the rest of my summer. In fact, I'm glad I saw his true colors- concentrated black with streaks of buck green (for money). He claims to be my ex and my best friend, my greatest gratitude for the offer but no, thank you. I'm happy with the girl buds and the present life I have. They're completely more than your worth. LOL.

Pope holds Concelebratory Mass

The newly appointed head of the Church is German. One thing I'm praying for is the safety of the new pope and that he won't be assassinated anytime soon because when that happens, Sister Lucia's prophecy would finally prove itself right. After the probable murder, only two more occurrences would signal Revelation Day. One of the signs is World War III. Apparently, Germans dropped the bomb in the first two wars so WWIII is far from impossible. The best we could do now is to beg God's mercy and that Pope Benedict XVI fulfills his duty as a peacemaker (that's what Benedict stands for)

People I miss

Markus just left. At first we were into an argument so I walked out from his car. It was a surprise when someone rang the doorbell and said the sweetest words and apologies. It's so nice of him to do that :D

Joshy is in Brouwersgracht. (Whatttt???) Netherlands, that is. But soon he'll be back in the States then here in the Philippines.. Wahoo!!! Then we'll go to Neverland. Wakekek.

Ate Bev is in Bora, Mom didn't allow me go with her. She's coming back today and will be joining us in Palawan then head back to the Stated. I'll miss her and our bonding sessions. And oh, definitely my bro :) See you after two years....

May's coming up. It's a month packed with schoolwork, leisure and the miscellaneous :) Oh, I'm leaving for Palawan tomorrow. I won't blog for a week. Gotta pack! Bye!!!

people who worship money

2005-04-18T20:44:00.000+08:00

Your first time to see me post an entry in Filipino. Galit na galit kasi ako.

Tsk. I received a text message from a freak. (Freak= Michael John Ang Ching). Some time in our ugly past, we signed up for a joint account in a networking thing. Unfortunately, it did not earn because he was too lazy to do his part in recruiting people. Now he wants his money back and is pointing out how he saved every peso on his part. He pointed out that the account is named after me so I should do the work. Ang kapal ng mukha ni gago!! Ibenta ba daw ang friendship worth 10k??!!! Can't believe some people act this way. It's like nakatahi ang laman niya sa pera!!! Kawawa naman! Genuine Instik nga talaga. Haha. Not that lahat ng Chi ganon. But he's the typical G.I. who can't afford to lose a single centavo kundi mamatay siya sa galit. Tsk. Kawawa. Well he's not getting a single centavo from me because he didn't even exert effort to make the business work. So ayan Mike, pakamatay ka na coz nawalan ka ng pera eh money is god to you dba?!!! And your god turned its back on you! I won't consider him as my ex. He's not even worth calling a friend. He's a carabao on a one peso coin!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mukang pera, in lay man's term!!!!!!!

my crazee poems!!

2005-04-18T20:15:00.000+08:00

Forgive my poetry. Frustrated writer here. LOLZ

Having you was once just an imagination
It is the disparity next to reality

Sitting beside and you, hearing the sweetest nothings
Give me the reason to fight the lies the world has to offer

It is paradox when you confess your love for me
Feeling that moment gives me the simplest reasons for my existence

I find myself getting against all odds
Making every effort worthy because if it wasn't for you

The sentiments we keep, every kiss we share
Have become addicting more than paranoia or any drug

You're making me long for you even more each day
And knowing the very roots of your actions crush every part of me

Learning your true desires kills me
Slaying every vein that runs throughout my body

Hearing your reasons which do not make sense at all
Is just as painful as a gaping hole right through my heart

I take every word you say causing me the deepest heartaches
The strength I gather is not even as half as it would need me to go on

Forgetting seems to be the hardest verb
And you seem to be doing it in just mere tics of time

Hugging you has become my breathing
Inhaling the air you take make it harder for me to let you go

And you know that
Yours is the last breath I'll take...

I'm leaving this untitled.
T9/ April 18, 2005

2005-04-17T16:14:00.000+08:00

This is how I wasted my Saturday night.
Greenbelt, Makati:
Temple
Absinth
Ice
Libis:
Eastwood
Centro Snow Party
Metrowalk:
Decades
Timog:
Decades
Fort:
Embassy- we ran out of time

That's what you call major barhopping. Haha. I guess my sister (in-law) just doesn't wanna stick to one place coz she wants to visit every party place here in Manila. She wants to meet every person there. I don't know if I'll still go to Bora tomorrow coz I'm really out of cash. And expenses in Palawan are big so I might not be able to get there once I spend all my dough in Bora. I'd rather go to Palawan coz I've never been there before plus there's algae in Bora's beach. Haha

Tsk tsk tsk

2005-04-16T18:10:00.000+08:00

Boys will remain as boys
(Translation: Boys' intellect stop at 19. Men, indeed, are boys trapped in larger pieces of skins)

I won't tell everything that happened to me yesterday detail by detail. If that's the case, this would serve more than its purpose as a blog entry.

Picture Madness

I was in school in the morning to get my card and to view the long-awaited prom pictures. Grades were fair enough but I lacked ONE A- to receive an honor. This pisses me off. The presentation of the prom pictures was horrible!! When I got to Sports Complex, the walls of the stage were entirely covered with thousands of snappies. It was as if the photographer clumsily slapped the wall with photos that weren't even arranged properly. Mind you, there are around 350 students in our batch (X 2 for our dates) and photos were taken at random so you just can't visualize how many you'd encounter before you see your faces.

Shop Attack!!

Trina and I went to Galleria afterwards. We shopped (a girl's favorite pastime). We just wanted to treat ourselves with new beach getups. We also watched SpongeBob and there were only a few people in the movie house so we ended up laughing really loud. LOLZ.

I went to Greenhills afterwards to accompany my sis-in-law. She did a major shopping binge coz she wanted to bring lots of local stuufs back in the States. After all, every balikbayan never fails to bring home numerous mementos courtesy of the Philippines' undying love for shopping. Haha

Realities of Men

Libis was next stop coz we had to pick up our friends who just did a modeling appearance on the Fashion Week. We immediately moved to Makati because there was a severe case of drought in Libis. Greenbelt was okay, but not what I expected on a payday Friday. Temple blah blah blah.. My long lost friend Bea Rodriguez was there!!! I call her my Run-away Babe coz she always runs away from home. Super happy and excited when I saw her. Though at times she gets to be an ass, she's all good to be with, definitely a friend who won't leave you hanging. She deejay-ed and bartended a bar in Puerto. She got herself a tat that had all her friends' names blotted. So there, she got to be all nasty without the supervision of her parents. Tsk tsk.

Other unexpected dudes were there, too (Vanessa Gar, Bro, Ton Jimenez, Angel Dionisio, VJ Johann, Ted Castro). My so-called friends didn't fail to show their thick faces, as well. Let me elaborate this part: When we were on our way home at 4am, the freaks called our attention and wanted a fight. One was making up a story that my friend, Angel (a guy) was staring at him while we were outside Temple having a couple of drinks. This dude was up for a fight and was claiming he could kill my friend with his bare hands. And so he took his shirt off, revealing what he thinks he's "got." So practically it started with a "stare" that wasn't even factual. If ever it was, what's a simple look gotta do with that? He wasn't even sure if he was glancing at him because he had a funny blank written on his face. At first I thought the boys were just fooling around, so I didn't take it seriously but when the other party started to kick Angel, I knew there was something going on, definitely a "something" not worth elaborating so I'll end my story here. What happens there, stays there.

I don't know who's to blame. Was it the alcohol? Were they even drunk? Or is it just that some men could get even worse than being immature? I reckon that once you box all guys under one roof, they would end up killing each other. The last one standing would probably even beat up himself arguing why he left no one to wrestle around with. I think no man can stand a lifetime without getting into a fist fight. They say manhood is simply about feeding their egos. The more you insult, the manlier you become. The more people you kill in a rumble, the more worthy of living you become. The more heartache you give to women, the more commendable you are to have as a boyfriend. Sheesh. I dont have anything aginst men. They just made me think this way about them. Now there's an alternative step towards world peace. Haha

Massive earthquake?

2005-04-14T18:44:00.000+08:00

Mishaps in our Country

Whoever started the rumor through texts regarding a massive earthquake supposedly to take place today, shame on you. I don't see the point why you have to spread false claims like how rubbish people forward "cursed" messages that promise death and misfortune to you and your family. I think bums are the ones who are doing these useless activities. They find it amusing that their fellow Filipinos are starting to panic and indeed forward these to other people. C'mon.. You guys better stop because we are already aware of the upcoming disasters and catastrophes this year and goofing around would definitely not help. There would come a time that instead of having the people prepare for possible tragedies, they probably won't rely on sources like e-mails and cellphones anymore. I was upset when I saw in the news that some corporations were forced to let their employees leave work before 5pm. I guess those behind this text attack are celebrating their success in fooling with the people's minds. Tsk tsk..

suicide

2005-04-13T22:26:00.000+08:00

Of Suicides and Sweets

Every Sunday is spent for the Lord. I was in mass with Mom in Christ the King and the family seated at our front pew seemed familiar. I was discreetly giggling at their Dad coz his hungry ass was eating his pants LOLZ. My Mom even said that the children were kinda cute. I freaked out when I read in the paper just now that the man I was laughing at shot himself dead in his car this morning. Cause: depression. He was appointed as the new president of a bank and apparently he became the youngest in the industry. The bank was foreclosed due to conflicts. Rumors have it that he even sent farewell messages to his closest friends through email.

I recall the time my English teacher talked about suicide. Christmas season holds the record for the highest suicide rate. This is brought about by the Seasonal Affective Disorder which leads one to think that one is not normal when the rest of the world is rejoicing and what one really wants is to just crawl into a corner and sleep for a hundred years. More to this claims that endomorphins are solutions to prevent suicide. (Endomorphin def. makes you think you're happy) The number one source of these? Sweets!!! So go ahead, dig in to those chocs,chips and candies! Summer's not all about getting buffed bods and fab tans.

I reckon everyone has been through the depths of despair. If I'm not mistaken, I WAS suicidal for three months (post-breakup days) but eventually got over it. Hey, I'm not saying that anyone who ends up killing himself is stupid. You can't blame him for that coz some are simply born with this disorder. They say those who suffer from extreme pain who resort to suicide directly fall into the inferno. Is it factual? Is there no valid reason to suicide?

Then more questions pop into my head...
When you love someone, do you set him free or do you fight for him?
Should you accept the person for who he is or should you change him to become a better person?
Does Mr. Right exist?
What are the standars when people say you're pretty/ugly? (I believe no person should label anyone as such because nobody really said the standars of beauty)
Why do they say that a banana peel can make u slip when in fact it doesn't? (I've tried it..)

Help!!! Witty people please answer! Cheddar, AM, Jourd please answer!!! :/

Photography, tours, Kenken

2005-04-13T17:41:00.000+08:00

Lots of updates.

Beauty on its own

I'm currently hooked to photography. The subject is nature, enough of myself (LOLZ) Lonely days and nights push me to discover the good sides of life. Realizing that there is little, I started capturing them before they eventually run out. Being a hundred feet above the ground is quite an advantage. I'll sign up for a DeviantArt account soon and upload my "art" there. I suggest everyone must have an art of his/her own. Seeing them once printed would definitely cheer you up from those blues.

Wow Philippines

My sister-in-law who came from the States a few days ago is aking me to tour her around. I guess we'll be flying off to Boracay/Puerto Galera. She still hasn't made up her mind where she wants to get a good sweat and tan. Palawan, however, is permanently marked on my calendar :D Seeing her reminds me of my bro whom I teribly miss. Apparently, he made up his mind not to come back to the Philippines anymore. He told me that the lifestyle in the States is so much easier and money can be earned without too much effort unlike here in our country wherein working overtime isn't sufficient to feed every person in an average Filipino family thrice a day.

Following the Red Signal

I slept at 6 in the morning awhile ago. Mike and I talked over the cel from 3-6am and he was talking about crap. At first, he was commenting about the boys whom he thought were courting me. Each of them was immediately rejected by my personal adviser, Michael John. He reminded me that every move I take must be advised to him and stamped with his (dis)approval. Yeah, he was making a bit sense, reminiscing the old times. Looking back, he has regrets about our past relationship and says he's still inlove with me and wanted to give it another shot. Too late...

Kenken updates

Mom took this pic

Gigil sessions in my room :D

Super bad Kenken doing his business on my leg!!

No, I don't have him anymore. These were pics back then. Apparently, Mike is afraid I might dognap him! :/

"It's tough to stay single in this world where everybody expects you to be with somebody. What they fail to realize is that staying single is not about having no choice. Rather, it's an opprtunity to make intelligent choices independently." Cheers to our single-dom! :D

many faces

2005-04-10T18:10:00.000+08:00

The many faces of me :D Forgive please, the photographer gave me the rejects.

Yesterday, I emceed my tita's despidida in Manila Diamond Hotel. Lolz. Was the youngest person there. The rest were on their 40's+. I was forced to try ballroom dancing and I admit it was kinda fun even though it was mostly associated with old people. I learned reggae, chacha and swing. I realized that my body's made to dance to club music and cheerdance only. Dance instructors managed to make me look like a pro :D After the celebration(wrong term for a despidida, I guess.. LOLZ) , went to Ipanema to meet up with friends. But only stayed there for two hours. Decent chat, drinks, people. Met new friends, one was kinda cute but was wearing havoc pants so forget about it. Haha..

Two days ago was a gig in Bagaberde with the Subic girls. The boys were there to play. Beso-d. Super bad Dun was uttering the words I was dared to say in Subic even when he was onstage. Giggles* Dun remembers, at least and he wasn't d**** that night after all.. Hmmm.. Vince, on the other hand, was too serious about his performance. Our requested song was the last they played *aww* Next gig would be at Dun's place this coming week..

Oh, here's the pic btw.. Managed to upload it.

moony

2005-04-08T14:58:00.000+08:00

Part people!! You better get your asses in this event! definitely a must see :D

badddd

2005-04-07T19:44:00.000+08:00

I feel bad right now. Really, really, awfully BAD.

I'm left with no one.. How I wish Kenken was here to share the lonely night with me. If only Mike was considerate enough to extend Ken's stay here until the maid comes from her leave. To top off the bumer day, mom nagged all night about useless I am here at home and how my life is pretty much a waste. She told me that I was always idle and was just wasting money on the net.

I'm here. Left empty handed ;(

goodbye kenken

2005-04-07T16:45:00.000+08:00

I woke up today to the dingdong of the doorbell :D It was Mike. He texted early morning that he was coming over. I was hoping he'd use his memory that would remind him that I wake up in the late afternoon. So unexpectedly, he was getting Kenken back. How would you feel that a thing surprisingly made precious to you is taken back? I feel so awful knowing that I don't have a pup lying between my legs when I'm chatting, no pup waiting for me to go to bed. No pup licking my face in the morning, no pup to clean after and no pup to bathe with me :(

Mike grew a bit fat (haha) In fairness, his face became clear. His eyes were tired due to jetlag and hair was untidyly pushed back and topped with a cap. New sneakers, I say. I told him that he owes me his fashion statement. He is a self-confessed hiphopper before (nyahh) :) Anyway, he brought me slippers and a DKNY shirt YAY! (probably Tita Elsie-his mom chose it) :P and some other things.. (still haven't opened the pack he gave me) Seeing him now didn't really bring another feeling anymore. It felt normal and usual. When he hugged me and said he missed me, it didn't even hit me. *smile* His words didn't come to me, as well.

I think I've finally mastered the arts of letting go and moving on (the things most difficult to discover) I'm glad I feel this way because I don't wanna fall inlove with the same (juvenile, don't forget) man again. Besides, I'm infatuated with someone else now :p

I will miss KENKEN :( Pucha Mike ibalik mo siya sakin.... Hehe

2005-04-06T13:29:00.000+08:00

Summer is beginning to get really boring after the Subic trip. Always left at home with nothing to do but stare at my PC and be a spectator of whatever's new in the net. Boredom forced me to download miRC, so I tried to push my luck to find a cute guy or some sort. Haha. My luck failed me. LOLZ

Mike will be back today. Nyahh.. Definitely NOT looking forward to that. He'll drop by soon. I better get my ass ready. Not willing to commit the same mistakes again. Not stupid enough to fall for the same un-derserving, juvenile man. (the word I always use to refer to him) *PEACE, BES* :D I won't let him ruin my break especially now that it's on its way to a perfect summer getaway.. Weeeee!!!

Yesterday.. I was at the poolside walking Kenken. I took out his leash thinking his paws won't take him places. Wahhh!! He ran out of the village and for God's sake it took me a hard time to chase after him. You know how hard it is to run after a dog :D

Good thing we're going out this Friday to see Southborder!! :D (again) If they disappoint us, we would be the #1 root of their downfall.. And we have every piece of evidence to prove it. So they better not... :D

2005-04-03T18:17:00.000+08:00

Jendar told me about it... Babe, what you said is finally making sense now. It's probably the last sign before the end of the world- Pope Paul's death. Realizing that I'm too young to die yet too bad to be excluded from the death list, I'm trying to make up a list of things I haven't done yet. And there sure is a LOT! I still haven't hooked up with Britney Spears (as if!) and haven't met Michael Jackson (apparently, the real one is dead) Still not able to skydive, bungee jump, windsurf and the miscellaneous I preserved for my later years. What's left to do now that the end is coming? Repent. But what I am doing right now doesn't seem to be contributing to my chances to be saved. Got my ass here in front of the computer on a Sunday evening trying to discover whatever is unknown (that's what I usually do) And what's the use of blogging when there is probably no one in the future who would read your posts? LOL. I keep on pushing for tomorrow what can be done today like having a candle blessed by a parish priest and providing my own crucifix for my room.

Think about it.. Are you ready to be handpicked whether you must be left alive or dead? Are you ready for 8 full hours of a shaking earth until it eventually flips and tilts leaving all shattered? Am not.. I guess I still have not lived mine to the maximum. Right now, the dog is barking without a reason. It's starting to freak me out because there is no one here. Gotta go!! Must be aware of what's happening around.

Count to three and pray that the next hours would not be the tics of a shaking ground :/

pahabol pics

2005-04-02T18:12:00.000+08:00

Got the new set of pics!!!

Piere One

Pictorial in Subic

Dun, Jourd, Kim, Vince, Me, Vea

Beach Bums [with the hair!!!]

Unhygienic people on the loose!!!!!!

2005-04-01T20:36:00.000+08:00

Now this is what I call a conversation! Nothing against you, Roj! Peace! :)

roj yao : ahm.. i got this very weird question,...
roj yao : mtgl ko na gs2ng tanungin
tinay: sure what is it
roj yao : how vain are u?
tinay: uh, y
tinay: i dnt really get d question pls elaborate
tinay: ?
roj yao : u feel vain?
tinay: well yea, at times. why?
roj yao : then.. how vain r u?
tinay: not to the point that a zit bugs me
tinay: you?
roj yao : ah..ayt then.. im not. haha=)at all
tinay: u arent? it's human nature to be vain.
tinay: or else you wouldnt care about how u look like before going out
tinay: nor bother to look at the mirror. vanity is a mixture of hygiene too u know

roj yao has signed out. (4/1/2005 8:35 PM)
Then she signs out...

tinay: hahahahahah

Do I make sense? Isn't it that the fact that you still bother to look at yourself at the mirror make you self-conscious? Like what I said, vanity is part of the mixture in your hygiene so it is a must ingredient especially in a woman. The last person I remember who wasn't vain at all (like how she was claiming to be) was this painter who painted all his life and even cut his ear just to have it sketched.

Then I come to a conclusion.. Why'd she ask? Is it because of the URL of my blog? lolz

Now, who here protests to be NOT VAIN at all?!!!

Gotta be careful now.... Some people are on the loose!!!
*Peace*

kenken is sick :(

2005-04-01T19:45:00.000+08:00

Kenken is terribly sick. At first, he didn't want to eat. Then he threw up. He's in bed for the whole day and didn't even want to stand up nor sit. He doesn't act himself, too. I know it when he's healthy coz he usually follows me around. Took him to the vet and I'm telling you.. He caused me a lot of trouble. It was an emergency so I had no one to take me to the clinic. For God's sake, I learned to commute. Imagine how I looked like, poor little girl scared of crossing the street with a dog clasped on one arm like a baby :D I hate it when Ken cries out coz of the syringe that stung his gorgeous fur. Seeing the vet put a thermometer up Ken's ass freaked me out even more.

When I got home, I had to force-feed him. Had to open his mouth wide and try to shoot his tablet supplement down his throat. It took me 10 full minutes to do so because he keeps spitting out what I've been putting in. I'm really willing to do anything for Kenken. I sacrificed my Friday gimmick with the girls just so I could take care of him :)

He's a blessing in disguise, maybe..

Mood: Falling inlove the second time around (not with the same man...)

michael jackson

2005-04-01T00:39:00.000+08:00

Guys!! The real Michael Jackson is dead. This is truly a big scandal... Check out the story!!!
http://www.onion.com/news/index.php?issue=4111

Stupid of me to believe everything I read on the net. It just appeared to be so real. Alright.. I got fooled then :D

Subic

2005-03-30T23:37:00.000+08:00

What do here, stays here: A Story about Two Days and a Night Feeling The Good Life

Subic's ambiance would definitely unleash me from the strains I've been experiencing this summer. I left Kenken at Jourd's place, hoping that he would be well taken care of. First stop was Subic Yacht Club to check-in our luggage. Miracle beach was next to be conquered. Chilling with my girls at the cottages, "sticking" our hearts out and having decent Kalibog and Malice drinks were definitely worth every tan we were getting. Shore was perfect; the water was cool enough to satisfy the sun's heat. Every grain of sand that stuck between my toes was like a strike of relief from the evils in Manila. Cameras were certainly handy. Our cottage was isolated from the rest and we got the beach all to ourselves :D Literally swam with the fishes and sunbathed with the hermits. We waited for sunset and bid the beach goodbye.

Had moonlit dinner at Piere One and what made the night hot and rewarding was our stay in Sibil Subic. First ones there, not expecting anything special to happen, Vince and Duncan Ramos approached us. They were there not for a gig but simply to relax themselves from work. They came elsewhere to compose a new song, as usual, inspired by the out of town vibes of the place. The girls moved to the beats of trance while the boys showed off their break dancing skills in R&B and hip hop.

After sweating all out, we chilled with them back in our hotel room from 2:00-6:30 AM. We continued our thing, this time, twice the fun. Jaffa Mudslide was new in the menu. Like what Vince said, "Doug, come out here we're having a blast!" Sleepy Dun got up to play. Acapella sounds system was great; it was like having an exclusive SB concert at our veranda which was overlooking the view of the bay (lol). There came up a different definition of girl bonding :) For some reason, I won't elaborate any further. Guys, we'll be waiting for your next video entitled....

The next morning, we saw Robots at Times Square, they all fell asleep excluding me. Unexpected pictorials at Cre8tive Studios afterwards so we were really underdressed. We just ended up being after the natural "summer" look. I'll post them here once published next week. Went to Jourd's party house to get Kenken back. He missed me but he's nagtatampo :( Jourd told us that it was her happiest birthday. I'm glad we made it that way for her :D Read in her blog that she has regrets to what happened. Well I think it's human instinct to feel that way the first time. She immediately got over it, though. As what Jourd said, leaving all the memories inside room 329 is best for the band and for the girls, as well. But we'll definitely see you again on April 8 or on our next chillax at Dun's crib :)

Loved every second of it. I'm still stressed because of these sleepless nights. But it's definitely the anxiety I want to deal with.

Mood: finding a piece of me :)

bidding Kenken goodbye

on our way to Subic

at the cottage

at the Beach :D

Jourd and I

Kim, Me, Jourd, Vea

Piere One

More next time

G4

2005-03-28T20:02:00.000+08:00

Had to pick up my retainers and man, do I hate it!!! It's worse than having braces, wearing them is like having peanut butter stuck at the roof of your mouth. >:( Went to G4 afterwards alone. I missed shopping by myself- no hesitations, disputes and arguments over a piece of clothing. I really enjoying doing so because whenever I shop with Mike, he always has some valid reason to convince me not to buy a certain thing :D Kristine,Xandra and Kenji came an hour after exhausted because they were caught driving a color coded car. Courtesy of Chavit Singson, they managed to get away with it :) Needed to go home early. There wouldn't be anyone to take care of Kenken. I don't want to put my complete trust on the guard.

Bye for now :D

Managing to be me

2005-03-27T03:46:00.000+08:00

Managing to be me :)

I am Ma. Katrina. I cannot fully claim that I am simple. In fact, I live in the complexities of life trying to analyze every question in the book. I am not born to rub elbows with the stars. My life is not told to a child like how stories of princesses are. Am not to live happily ever afters in an ending. I am not from the planet where prom queens and goddesses are made.

So how do I exist?.. How could one possibly go on getting noticed only when she does wrong?Could you tolerate waking up every morning knowing how your day would probably go? Let me tell you mine... (in a third person's point of view)

She gets up every morning (late afternoon, rather) because of the irritating movements the dog has been making. She impatiently demands for brunch and feeds the dog, as well :D She hears news about how perfect a friend's date went. She also hears how great her kabarkadas' relationships go about this summer. Because of this, she reminisces the attached days but smiles at how she handles to move on even a little. She turns on computer and tries to answer a number of "consistent" questions from her Q. Box. She replies to a couple of messages and lets out what bugs her in her little blog.

She is Tinay. I am Tinay. I am not where the celebrities breathe but I'll be someone else's star. Not even from the paradise where good deities dwell but someone could make one with me. I am not destined to a "happily ever after" but I know I'll have a pleasant ending. Not from the land of prom queens and ideals but soon I'd be someone's perfect princess living the never ending happy ever after..... That's about me...

2005-03-23T23:43:00.000+08:00

Yeah, you don't know him but I do. And I miss him more than ever. I'll wait for you until you come back! Can't wait till August (for my birthday, too)!! :D Miss you bigtime...

Kenken :D

2005-03-23T17:28:00.000+08:00

Getting more conceited than I am

Mike left for the States awhile ago and left his dog, Kenken to me together with a list of instructions. It just so happened that the maids are out for the Holy Week so I need to do the dirty stuff for the pup- you know, cleaning up the poops :D Have to wake up early in the morning to set his breakfast and sanitize the mess he made the previous night. Yeah, I'm obliged to do so. I promised my mom I'll do the grubby work. And hey guess what I think I'm getting used to it! :D The Pomeranian is so vain and responsive. He doesn't sleep in non air-conditioned rooms PLUS it is a must that he sleeps beside the owner. He only eats expensive canned dog foods and he requires you to cuddle him all the time- or else he gets sick :D I'll be stuck with him for the Holy Week, which means I'll take him out of town, too. Grabe! I'm always reminded of Mike tuloy! (What a bad start towards moving on!!) Anyway, the dog is still cute no matter what. And I'm planning to keep it and won't give it back to Mike (HAHAHA.) When I get a good shot of him (the dog, I mean), I'll post them here :D Change topic.. Yaya asked me to help her with a makeover coz she'll be attending a party. She wanted to borrow my clothes so I let her. Plus she let me do her hair and makeup :) Lolz

Kenken wrestling a piece of Beggin Strips

Kenken posing for the camera :)

Look at meeehhh!!

2005-03-22T12:53:00.000+08:00

It was my ex's birthday on prom night and I wished him maturity for his last teenage year. For God's sake he's nineteen and reasons out like a thirteen year old.That's what he needs best. Prom was okay. Mainly because I had fun at picture booths with friends and yeah, I admit slow dance with the past was pretty much memorable enough to call it a night. After the prom, my ex and I headed to the Fort Open Field. With the windows open, stars lighting the murky and cloudy skies, full moon reflecting its light across the gloomy grasslands of the field, everything was perfect. But what makes the setting greater than perfect was the song in his audio system, it was OUR SONG. (and probably the last time it would be played) It was a different kind of feeling. We were diverse now. He is no longer my man. The perfect man in my past lifetime seemed to be a perfect stranger now. His embrace was unfamiliar, his words were weird, every single thing he did was as if not the Michael I knew. I do not know him anymore. But I am not willing to go further just to unleash what's inside of the new him. Let me share some photos but I won't post our pics together anymore. Hover over the photos to see captions

thoughts for the bitter

2005-03-19T13:56:00.000+08:00

Thoughts for the bitter. Please read this if it applies.

Sometimes, in our relentless efforts to find a person to love we fail to recognize and appreciate the people who loves us. We miss out on so many beautiful things simply because we allow ourselves to be slaves of our own selfish concerns. Go for the man of deeds and not for the man of words for you will find rewarding happiness not with the man you love but the man who loves you more.

The best lovers are those who are capable of loving from a distance, far enough to allow the other person to grow, but never too far to feel the love deep within your being. To let go of someone doesn't mean you have to stop to loving, it only means that you allow that person find his own happiness without expecting him to come back. Letting go is not just setting the other person free, but it is also setting yourself free from all bitterness, hatred, and anger thats kept in your heart.

Do not let the bitterness rare away your strength and weaken your faith, and never allow pain to dishearten you, but rather let you grow with wisdom in bearing it. You may find peace in just loving someone from a distance not expecting anything in return. But be careful, for this can sustain life but can never give enough room for us to grow. We can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past but real peace and happiness come only with open acceptance of what reality is today.

There comes a time in our lives when we chance upon someone so nice and beautiful and we just find ourselves getting so intensely attracted to that person. This feeling soon become a part of our everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts and actions.

The sad part of it is when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more for us than just friendship. We start our desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer but in the end our efforts are still unrewarded and we end up being sorry for ourselves. You don't have to forget someone you love. What you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for yourself.

Believe me, you would be better off giving that dedication and love to someone more deserving. Don't let your heart ruin your life, be sensible and let your mind speak for itself. Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well.

Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming
tomorrow: If you lose love that doesn't mean that you failed in love.
Cry, if you have to, but make sure that the
tears wash away the hurt and the bitterness that the past
has left with you.
Let go of yesterday and love will find its way
back to you. And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime.

2005-03-19T13:30:00.000+08:00

Finally!!!

After three years of having braces, they were finally taken out yesterday. What a good timing! Before the prom so I'll be smiling with full force then :D HAHA! Anyway, last night was a blast! Mainly because it was the last day of classes and it was a girls' night out. It was raining so we weren't expecting much people and we just ended up in Eastwood OJs then hometown, Ipanema. It turned out to be crowded when clock hit midnight :D

Trina, Gel, Me

SUMMER PLANS

1. Boracay April 8-11

2. Driving lessons :D

3. College review in Expert Guides

4. Fencing lessons

5. Palawan

Fashion show

Chuck's house

Imma miss my c9ers and seventeen! :) I love you girls! See you in Bora!

Narrative about moving on

2005-03-17T20:47:00.000+08:00

A Narrative about Moving On

He went here awhile ago and we finally settled our uncanny situation.
Baby, I'll miss the way you wrap your fingers around my hair, the way you go hysterical whenever I'm out on gimmicks without reporting. I'll truly treasure the day when we experienced an Intensity 6 earthquake together, when we were just wrapped in each other's arms. I'll miss our Tagaytay days, when I was scared to look down from our funicular car booth. Remember when we were in E.K.? It took you a full day to convince me to ride the Log Jam and the Wheel of Fate. Count the prizes we bagged from the Chinese Mooncake Festival. Don't forget the weekends when we bum in Starbucks Rockwell and Greenbelt 3 and just laugh our hearts out. Even our families know each other much!! The simplest conversations to the point wherein we run out of things to say and just listen to each other's breath would be worth reminiscing. Even the manner we met is indeed cute and memorable.

You taught me to be real when you said we lived in a world of lies. You taught me to be laid-back when things would go rough. You taught me how to manage people who hide their faces behind solid masks. Ironically, you taught me to be stronger.. when you brought me so much tears.

It is never easy to give up the person you once loved. As they say, moving on is not about stopping to love that person, it's just learning to live without him. And that is exactly what I'm trying to do right now. I am forcing myself to move without his presence, to decide without his guidance and to embrace life without his existence. He will never know how hard it is for me to go on with the remaining years of my life in total absence of his whiff. I'll get up every morning not knowing what's in store for me, a new phase, opening my eyes to a new reality... having him as a best friend. Maybe one day I'll wake up losing a best friend, too.

For the very last time, let me say I LOVE YOU.

Cards for the bitter

2005-03-14T20:31:00.000+08:00

It's Official

HUG ME!!!:D

Centuries ago, when my bro's ex-girl broke up with him, he swore to God he would not give damn to another woman and put himself into another life and death situation. Eating his words back (whole), my second brother got married yesterday. I'm kind of jealous here. I thought I'd be your only girl after the breakup? :( Nah!! I'm still happy for you. And I'd be having another nephew/niece (This time, a kid speaking in pure English) :D Too bad I didn't see him exchange vows with his chinita girlfriend. We are way miles apart!!! It's a good side for him, though. Coz if I was there, I'd just tease him about how terrible his tie looks on him. Kuya!! I miss you! Please do come back or adopt me there :D

Cards for the Bitter

My seatmate sent me card texts for the bitter. It's damn hilarious. Just wanna share.

1.FRONT: As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am
INSIDE: That you're not here to ruin it for me.

2.FRONT: I've always wanted to have someone to
hold, someone to love.
INSIDE: After having met you, I've changed my
mind.

3.FRONT: I must admit, you brought Religion in my
life.
INSIDE: I never believed in Hell 'till I met you.

4.FRONT: Looking back over the years that we've
been together, I can't help but wonder:
INSIDE: What the hell was I thinking?

5.FRONT: I always wanted to be rich, powerful, and
well respected.
INSIDE: And while I'm dreaming, I wish you
weren't so damn ugly.

(This applies) 6.FRONT: When we were together, you always said
you'd die for me.
INSIDE: Now that we've broken up, I think it's time
you kept your promise.

7.FRONT: I'm so miserable without you,
INSIDE: It's almost like you're here.

8.FRONT: If you ever need a friend...
INSIDE: Buy a dog.

I love this quote: I envy the one you love, the one whom you belong to. But i thought too much to realize how envious the one you love could get if that person had known that im the one who can love you best.

I don't know if this is accurate

Outgoing (E) 67.74% Withdrawn (I) 32.26%
Realistic (S) 52.78% Imaginative (N) 47.22%
Emotional (F) 60% Intellectual (T) 40%
Improvised (P) 61.54% Organized (J) 38.46%

Your type is: ESFP

You are an Entertainer, possible professions include - veterinarian, flight attendant, floral designer, real estate agent, child care provider, social worker, fundraiser, athletic coach, musician, secretary, receptionist, special events producer, teacher

Take Free Career Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Cannot go stag!

2005-03-13T18:16:00.000+08:00

Untitled

Weekend is boring. I could not go out coz exams are coming up next week. Midnight till early morning (12-3am), my bestfriend paid me a visit after learning that I've been down for a few weeks now. It's so sweet of him for dropping by despite his prom the day after. We just sat on our poolside and "sticked" our problems away. Yea, taking out a few sticks didn't feel right after quitting the habit years ago.

I just realized that I can't go stag because I already paid for a couple on prom night. I'm excited coz I'll be going with my ex.(Right.) He already bought a full set of prom attire courtesy of Rustan's and had an accomodation in Makati Shangrila months ago.(Excited, aren't you?) My prom night coincides with his birthday, too so I'm hoping it would be extra special :D Let me share: Last night, I was in Hyatt Hotel. I'll upload the pics I took the next time I log in.

Mom and I in Hyatt

Shot from my cel reflected by a mirror :D (Just wanted a full body shot)

2005-03-10T21:22:00.000+08:00

You never know who's waiting for you

you never know when love is coming your way

but if tonight I look again into your eyes

then it's true and it's me now

These lyrics were the ones I clearly heard when I turned on my MD and keeps on rewinding in my head. This might be God's message for me- to patiently wait. :)

I dreamt of a guy last night. Yeah, it's still him- the man with no face. He caressed my skin, fiddled my hair, brushed his fingers across my cheeks. Was about to see his face when a streak of light hit his face but in the middle of my fantasy, the maid woke me up saying "Ten, seryal o sanwech?" He remains anonymous and I know I would find him soon. Hopefully he'll reveal himself in reality.. If there's a way to unleash you....

El Fili

Today we got to finish the novel El Filibusterismo, which I could classify as truly tragic. I wish I had not read the story especially in my situation now that my life is indeed a living tragedy. It affects my psychological behavior, too, you know!! I tried reading book one from Series of Unfortunate Events but immediately stopped after realizing that I'm becoming more pessimistic than ever!
Reasons why to boycott El Filibusterismo:
1. It exaggerates the wickedness of friars.
2. Isagani is indeed foolish to rescue the lamp instead of rescuing Paulita.
3. Ever wonder why only good friars were destined to die?
4. It has a catastrophic ending anyone would hate.

But it still has important and touching points :)

Trivia: Rizal wrote a sequel to El Fili but only managed to accomplish three chapers.
WHY??? because he had a hard time writing in Filipino!!!!
Ironically, he coined the quote.. "Ang hindi nagmamahal sa sariling wika, masahol pa sa malansang isda" *another reason to boycott the novel :)*

Gotta stop being a critic!! Rizal might haunt me for this!

2005-03-09T17:43:00.000+08:00

Serendipity?

We talked about Fatalism. Root word: fate. Does it really exist?
Serendipity.. does this mean that every person bore already has a match without the choice? What if you don't get to meet him, are you doomed to the unideal guy in front of your doorstep? I think it's kinda silly.
I do not really believe in soulmates, stuff like that. I just think anybody could be your perfect match if you choose to. Do I make sense?

Was in Seattles Best after school. I decided to go there alone so I could take time to think over some things. My girl buds have boyfriends to deal with, anyway.

People of different types were there, most equipped with their laptops typing countless words for a thesis, some patiently reading a paper as if waiting for someone to share their tables with, some chatting with boyfriends or buddies. It's a weird feeling to sit back and just observe the people there :D It could make you envy, laugh or simply admire how they could afford to stress themselves over a pile of work. At times I would badly want to be in someone else's shoes. And if given a chance, I'd probably be a simple girl studying in a COED school rather than being the weird, different Tinay studying in a boxed from civilization all girls society.

After seeing them, you'd know your situation is not the worst in the world. Yea.. I know I'd get over this .. Eventually. It's been a month and a few days now since the breakup. I'm giving myself two more months to completely forget him. I simply wanna bump my head really hard so I'd suffer from amnesia (insomnia according to a teacher *lolz*) and lost the nightmare memories it brings!! :D grr!

a trance lyric: You never hear me crying, you never see me trying. To love you once again, your love is so past tense...

listening to: Rock It: Master P

Dateless

2005-03-08T19:53:00.000+08:00

Prom Date-less!

Yea.. It's already two weeks before the prom and I still don't have a prom date. Apparently, HE was supposed to be my date but after what happened today, forget it!! While chatting with him over the phone, he was in his usual badtrip ako tone. He told me he knew something about me but won't tell me what it was. I'm not stupid anymore. I would not force a person to tell something he doesn't want to. It would make me look that I'm so into him and that I'm after what he's going to say, which is probably another bullshit issue some unreliable source told him. Yeah, as if! It has always been that way. My word against theirs. And theirs triumphant over mine.

After the things you've done to me, I'm beginning to learn more about myself. The pity WAS on me when we were still together but not anymore. I came to a point wherein I'm beginning to have respect for myself before anybody else. It's never my loss, sweetie!!! Coz look who's degraded now??? I'd say you should go hunt for a girl that doesn't thinks highly of herself. It just makes me laugh at you now. Anyway, I'll be the one to get out of the scene. We both have our different worlds now. You, in your Chinese world and I, in my multi-cultured planet. That was how it used to be. It's hella better that way and I'm pretty sure that I would not be seeing you again in my whole lifetime unless we meet on purpose :D There is definitely something wrong with you. I WAS willing to help but if you'll continue treating me this way, I would just be wasting my effort. I guess you want it this way.. then fine.. GO ON WITH YOUR WAYS :) I'd rather go stag than go with a guy like you. You're hopelessly juvenile. I hope you'd find happiness in being such a childish heartbreaker.

*You may think I am a troubled person suffering from intense emotional incapabilities.. Yes, I was but starting tomorrow I'd be a whole lot different.

2005-03-08T18:46:00.000+08:00

Nasty surveys that curse you when you don't answer them. Alright then!!
1. TWO NAMES YOU GO BY: Simply by my nickname Tinay or T9. I ignore people who call me by the name Katrina. Sorry! I just hate it!
2. TWO THINGS YOU DISLIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: How moody and boring I get :D
3. TWO THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND: How God manages to "balance" everything when it doesn't really appear that way and how cruel people could get
4. TWO THINGS THAT SCARE YOU: Revelation day and
5. TWO THINGS / Anything U NEED EVERYDAY: cellphone and sound device (md, discman, whatever)
6. SOME OF YOUR FAVORITE BRANDS: People, Topshop and Mango whenever I have the money but Tiangge will do :p
7. TWO OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS @ THE MOMENT: hmm.. I'm into Trance right now. Takes my depression away :)
8. TWO PERSONS YOU SPEND THE MOST TIME WITH: I can't choose two out of the seven. Sorry!
9. TWO THINGS YOU CAN'T DO: (this question makes me think) I tend to be suicidal but not really serious about it. Hmm.. I couldn't possibly hurt the person I love on purpose. Aww?!
10. TWO OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES: shopping and bumming around
11. TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO REALLY BUY RIGHT NOW: a hot, hot, hot car and a new jetski
12. TWO CAREERS (BUSINESS) YOU'RE CONSIDERING: persuing our family business but I'm leaned to my doctorate degree :)
13. TWO PLACES YOU WOULD GO ON VACATION: Boracay, where all the hotties go!!! Haha! and .. Europe
14. TWO OF YOUR FAVOURITE PERSONS: My parents
15. TWO THINGS YOU DID YESTERDAY: Blogged and phoned.

ano pnaka ayaw mong subject? Music
ano gnagwa mo pag wla tcher nyo? Listen to my MD or chat with friends
ano gnagawa mo pgkatapos ng klase? Go straight home and try to get some sleep
FRIEND(S) U MISS? Old friends I lost contact with :(
WAT IS IN UR MIND RIGHT NOW? to move on or to stay
DO U THINK LIFE IS UNFAIR? At all times
WAT ANNOYS U D MOST? backstabbers
WAT DO U THINK BOUT UR LOVE LYF RIGHT NOW? sucks bigtime!!
Matangkad o maLiit? matangkad
Maingay o tahimik? Maingay
Makulit o mabait? Can I take both?
Singer o dancer? Dancer
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? I'd rather be a colored pencil. :)
LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My mom. She called about not reaching the telephone line coz I'm online 24/7.
FAVORITE DAY OF THE WEEK? Friday- I get to go out on gimmicks but also sees friends in school TGIF!
FAVORITE PLACE? where the people I love are
WHEN IS YOUR BIRTHDAY? August 22, 1988
Current hairstyle? dull, layered, jet black hair
Where do you want to live when you get married? back to Australia
Are you paranoid? Very much.
What do you do when you're mad? I get easily pissed by anyone that comes against my way. I'm sorry for that
are you normally a happy person? 50/50
do you wish you were happier? definitely!
what about being with your friends, does that make u happy? at times..
are you one of those idiots that think they are ugly, dumb, and fat? I feel that way right now. Coz of what happened recently ;(

I do not know how to answer some of these questions coz like what I said, I'm still up to search for the missing pieces of me.

I'm already experiencing two weeks of hell! The horror of the defense PLUS the countless piles of schoolwork PLUS last-minute pahabol to the teachers PLUS the headache about the PROM PLUS the miscellaneous *wink* is driving me crazy!!!! Third year is in fact a cinch.. Yeah, without all those hassles!! Can't wait for summer...
summer babe

2005-03-06T15:29:00.000+08:00

My idol apperently appears lesbian..
Saw a couple of Paris' pictures on the net where she's caught making out with another girl.. I won't post those pics anymore.. Too revealing.. Haha! The heck! I still bow down to her..

My bee-yoo-tiful princess :)

***There's this girl and she's really getting into my nerves. Apparently, she's using other people's quotations/lines and claiming them to be her own. She also uses pics of other girls including myself. Now she posts nasty things in her blog. I just hate posers.. C'mon, the people will know soon, too. Just be true to yourself and you'd be prettier that way! Respect please.

Sorry, had to let it out.

2005-03-06T13:31:00.000+08:00

Denial

You know you love me
You're just denying it
You're just afraid that the people would
See you weak
You think otherwise

You know you love me
Because you still send me offended messages
When you know that I'm out on weekends
You think otherwise

You know you love me
Because you want to be my prom date
You said you'll be the only guy I'd dance with
You think otherwise

You know you love
You don't have to deny it
Our love is the only truth
In this world of lies

-by t9

*Baby I don't know know how to teach my heart
To finally move away from your warmth
Even with my eyes closed
I could see a silhouette of your face
The one I USED to cherish

I do not know how to make you stay because I would not want to push myself to you though it was me who called it quits. I could not possibly believe every word he uttered to me. It appears that I was not "girlfriend material" enough for him. Apparently, he didn't see all the things I've done for him. If only you knew how much trouble it caused me when I went against all odds just to fight for our love. If only you would exert the effort to learn about the Internet and my blog, then you would know how much you still mean to me..

How could you possibly say go on with my life when you know that you are the reason of my existence? :(

2005-03-02T21:37:00.000+08:00

this is a pic of me and my bestfriend.. try to form the puzzle to know who he/she is. :)

http://www.flash-gear.com/npuz/puz.php?c=v&id=452948&k=46991741

2005-03-02T20:39:00.000+08:00

What was I thinking? !

Yes I know I have done wrong. I was stubborn and was completely out of myself when I did IT. If only you knew that my intentions were clean and not for any other purpose. Anyway, Im already a step away from him. You think youve won this fight but in fact it just started. But Im in the conclusion that it's no use to argue with you. Coz what you say do not make any sense at all. Youve done wrong and same here but we all make mistakes. Now Im trying to straighten out those wrongdoings. You wont forgive? FINE.

Now I put myself in trouble because she's HAUNTING ME and she wouldnt let me get outta here. We talked and finally settled it. then I learned its still not okay. I apologized but its never enough for her. Ive done my part in apologizing. ARE YOU THAT HARD THAT U CANT SEEM TO FORGIVE?? well then. . if thats the way you want it. . ill give it to you.

2005-03-01T20:58:00.000+08:00

END OF THE WORLD?!!!

While having recess, Jennifer Dar told me that the end of the world is coming soon. You made my day, sweetie! :D

This matter is somehow related to a woman named Lucia who claims that the Blessed Virgin Mary appeared to her when she was little. What the BVM told her was kept for decades until now that we only have a year left to prepare. Turns out that God gave us years 1950-2005 as times to repent. Those who would not repent would be erased from the population on Revelation day. The pope disapproved the declaration of the message as it would disrupt the Catholic belief that all would be saved. Until now. . .

Signs that would signal the end are evident and it's giving me the creeps.

1. Natural Disasters (and you know what recently happened to Taiwan! + series of earthquakes in Asia)
2. Possible death of the Pope (He is ill right now!!)
3. Spread of diseases (China is suffering from a sudden sprout of AIDS victims)
4. Terrorism (Need I say more?)
3. Death of Lucia (She just recently died)
4. Assassination of a president (Waiting..)
5. Start of World War III (Pending.. ?)

What’s crazy about the prophecy is that God has only room for one thirds of the human species.
The least we could do now is not to let the Pope die. And take good care of all the presidents in the world. HAHA! NAH! Gotta pray, repent and plead for God’s mercy. It’s the only ticket to Noah s arc.

Do you think you would be saved?
read more at:
Fatima from the official vatican site. Includes reproductions of Sister Lucia's writing and the text of the secrets>>>
http://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/congregations/cfaith/documents/rc_con_cfaith_doc_20000626_message-fatima_en.html

2005-02-28T17:49:00.000+08:00

Saturdays are meant for bar hopping. First stop was Phi Bar in Metrowalk for a decent BOTTLE[without an s] of SMB Light. Next was Basement in Libis which was literally a skin to skin and sweat to sweat setting. So I left. :D

I miss myself being a homebuddy :(

I feel more relieved that way.. If only you and I are still together....

Me, Johann, Grace and Xandra

[Johann, I hate your haircut now. It was hella better when you where still an MTV VJ! Your Afro rocked!!]

Pau and me

2005-02-28T00:07:00.000+08:00

BEHIND THE SMILE

There is a secret behind every smile and i'll tell you mine...

You see me laugh,but glee is seen through one's eyes, not lips.

You hear me giggle, but every syllable I utter is a scream from my deepest anxieties.

Then you see me smile, but every mirth that comes from my lips is a shriek of pain and anguish.

I am deperate to gather the strength to eventually untie my heart from the memoirs of the past, to outdo the ache haunting my mind at night but your face still lingers in my thoughts echoing the smirk on your cheek.

You see me shout with joy but you can't heed the whispers of my clandestine desires..

And you would never know.. coz you already closed your eyes for you to see. I am left with nothing but to cry...

I know that somewhere, out there is someone who listens to my calling. Please save me from this misery. I'm in great need right now.

mood: in the depths of despair

2005-02-26T17:17:00.001+08:00

The night before our Gawad Kalinga Project, I was chilling in Ipanema with my usual gimmick buddies. I got home at 4am and remembered I got a school activity later on at 7am!!! I hated everything that would eat up my sleeping time because I am already stressed about my piled-up schoolwork. I was forced to get up and attend but during the outreach, I realized that it is truly worthwhile. It was a heartwarming feeling to teach these kids knowing that they would probably be successful in the future. i felt lucky about my present situation but felt luckier because I was given a chance to share what I got with these unfortunate kids. Not all have the blessing PLUS the heart :D

YOU COULD ZOOM IN THE PIC TO TAKE A BETTER LOOK :D

Me and Jamaica [one of the kids we played with]

Trina [in white] Yzel [in pink] and Me [in pink and with a cap] with one of the families we chatted with

2005-02-25T01:00:00.000+08:00

You can't trust a pretty face and I've proved it several times already. Statistics from T9 Laboratory shows that 9 out of 10 hunks have big heads. Lucky for the chicks out there who fished the remaining 10% of the male species. The next guy I'd be eyeing on would definitely got nothing but the inside. Back to being crushless :) Haha! Simply hating my "singledom."

2005-02-24T18:57:00.000+08:00

Loser!

Like a child, I tripped on my mary janes and bruised my knees in school.

Last night, I worked on my paper until 2 am but only finished the intoductory part. That's how slow I am.. or I really want it to be perfect. It's hard to please my English teacher. As if she knows too much. *GRR!*

That's the story behind it. I lacked 4 more hours of sleep that's why I practically lost the stamina and balance of my legs. Boo!!!

Long weekend update:
Friday [February 25] Eastwood with the gals!
Saturday [February 26] Metrowalk Exclusive Phi Party Woohoo! :P
see yah guys on these dates!

2005-02-23T21:54:00.000+08:00

Pissed! Pissed!!

mood: troubled and insane

If obsession could kill, I'd be dead by now.

I never felt this way.. What's with you???

He acts weird. At times, it seems what he have is mutual but now..

My crush apparently likes another girl. I assume. . Well it appears that way.

How bad could this get??! ...

2005-02-22T22:11:00.000+08:00

Pics!!!

Ina and Me before our JS Turnover

Trixie, Me, Rian

This is a weird pic.. My friend said I look Japanese .. ?!!!

Good friend Al and me in Xavier Prom

[February 19]

in VBar

Me and Pao before shoot

I hate it!

2005-02-22T18:14:00.000+08:00

Ugh!!!!! I'm deeply sorry.. If you could find that space in your heart to forgive me..

When you are already hurt, you end up getting hurt even more.
This is a note from a friend of mine whom I didn't mean to crush its heart..

From the guy I unintentionally hurt:

It was Valentines Day; I have tulips clutched in my
hand, fully determined to give it to someone Ive
only known for a week. A declaration of love in a
gift from a lover as its symbolism says. She was
the second girl I have decided to give flowers to in
my entire life. The girl who suddenly came in so
strong and rekindled my heart, my heart that I
thought will never fall again after being hurt from my
past love.

Somehow, I felt a strong connection with her. And
for a short span of time, I can say that I truly care
about her. I was really excited in meeting her for
the second time after having promised her that this
time our rendezvous will be perfect. The day was
full of anticipation. I wasnt sure what was going to
happen. I dont know how we will meet and I dont
know how it will turn out. All I know is I just want to
see her that day, talk to her, and just be with her.

She said she couldnt meet that day, and wanted
to be alone. I didnt understand why till I read this

"I would rather spend this day home alone, loving
myself instead of dating a guy I would not want to
love. " These words came from the girl I cared
dearly and is most special to me. Now I
understand Why you suddenly disappeared and
took my heart away just as fast as when you came
into my life and made me believe youre going to
give me yours For a while, I really thought youre
the one Goodbye, take care of yourself.

I end up losing one's trust, worry and most especially a friend.
Does one end up hurting another inadvertantly because she got harmed in the past?
Is this an endless cycle of getting hurt and hurting others?

2005-02-21T13:17:00.000+08:00

Song for You

Mike, baby.. This is my song for you.. Yes, I would officially take you out of my life..

Doin' Just Fine

Boyz II Men

There was a time when I thought life was over and out,
When you went away from me,
My dying heart made it hard to breathe.

Would sit in my room,
Because I didn't want to have to go out,
And see you walking by,
One look and I'd break right down and cry.
Now you say that you made a big mistake,
Never meant to take your love awway,
But you can save your tired apologies,
'Cause it may seem hard to believe but....

CHORUS:

I'm doin' just fine,
Getting along very well without you in my life.
I don't need you in my life.
I'm doin' just fine,
Time made me stronger,
You're no longer on my mind.

You were my Earth,
My number one priority.
Gave my love to only you,
Anything you'd ask of me I would do.
But somewhere down the road,
You felt a change in the weather
And told me that you had to journey on.
A kiss in the wind and your love was gone.
Now you say you never meant to play your games,
But girl don't you know it's far too late,
Because you let our love just fall apart,
You no longer have my heart.

REPEAT CHORUS.

BRIDGE:

When you said goodbye, I felt so all alone.
There were times at night I couldn't sleep,
My heart was much too weak to make it on my own.
Baby after all the misery and pain you put me through,
So unfair to me girl, you're no longer my world,
And I ain't missing you.

REPEAT CHORUS.

AD LIB:

See baby when you walked away,
You didn't think it would end up this way.
But I knew you'd come around some day,
Just as sure as my name is Wanya.

It's kind of funny.. Now that I am a step away from your love, you are coming back to me.. *laughs*

2005-02-21T12:55:00.000+08:00

Yuck!

I am completely turned off by this guyI've been eyeing on. Yeah, yeah... He has the looks alright, but gets a big fat F in attitude. Turns out he's really mayabang, arrogant and insensitive.. Enough about the details he might be reading this one right now..

And if you are, let me tell you this... YOU FEEL YOU ARE SO IMPORTANT AND PEOPLE LOOK UP TO YOU! THINK AGAIN..

Pics

2005-02-20T21:54:00.000+08:00

Mara and Me in Club Embassy

Trina and Me in VBar

Xandra and Me in school

Knollers baby!

Embassy story. The truth behind it.

As Mara and I were on our way to Embassy, which was not yet open for the public, we were both thrilled. Indeed it is a fab place with good food, perfect music and great people to share exciting conversations with.

Everyone was having a blast until a gatecrasher hit Richard from the back. The dude ran. Grr!! Man instincts?.. You know what happens next. You judge :D

So it's not really his fault.