I've been to busy lately. Yeah, busy finding myself and it has done no good at all. I realized you can't find a piece of yourself when the fucking world is hiding it from you. I was admitted in the hospital last Friday til Sunday. Being injected many times sucked, being unable to move around pissed me off, being confined in a four-cornered room killed me and to top it all off, some person in my love history completely ruined the remaining days of my summer. I knew it right from the start. I shouldn't put myself into situations I can't get out of. Now, I'm stuck and left hanging when it should be the other way around. I thought God has good karma for me the second time around. I'm back to the days when I would "stick" my lungs out and worry myself over the past that will never come back, things that I've hoped for but is far from happening. I'm happy that I have review school friends who have been distracting me psychologically coz of their crazy ideas but this weekend, it will all come to an end. Again, I'm left alone in my suicidal world. I wanna get lost with someone.. To live a life without rules.. No limitations.. Yung tipong you're driving on a zigzag road towards a mountain and you're on the passenger seat screaming the lyrics the CD's playing. Tas itatapon niyo cel niyo sa dagat. No calls from parents, no civilization, to live in the outside world. Gusto kong maghubad at humiga sa damo, manood ng stars or ng sunset. Gusto kong lamukin, ubuhin at maligo sa ulan, banggain kotse ko at limutan lahat ng problema. I wanna be free.. I want to discover what I lived for. I want to find the parts of myself that he took. Look into yourself, I know you want that too. The world has been too tiring and stressing already. There's been no room for relaxation and peace. If I were to be born again, I'd pick to be a mountain person. They are happy with what they are and what they have. The philosopher in me said that happiness comes from wanting what you have and not having what you want. We all deserve that kind of life but the barriers that hinder me from freedom are the rules set by other people. I'm just afraid with what they would think of me, when in fact all I want is peace of mind. Why do people have to judge you when in fact they don't know a shit about you? Where do you find the place wherein you could deeply reflect without anyone dictating what you must do? Where do you find yourself? Or is it just meant not to show up until you give up and surrender yourself to the cruel world? I'm terribly lost. I need someone. Just one. Urgent. I can't hold on anymore.