:: thoughts from the heart, blotted by the hand ::

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Wednesday, October 05, 2005

The Trouble with Goodbye

Not everyone can handle adieu. It's never true that soon you'd get over having left those beloved...

This is a story written too late. My brother married her ages ago but the fact that he has a new life now hasn't sunk in. So I'm writing.

The eldest left our family 2 years ago and decided to live with her after she had borne my niece. She was named Aissey Viancea, after her parents (Aaron and Vanessa). They married when Aissey was nearly a year old.

The second left for the States a week after he finished college. He actually flew to catch up with his girlfriend whom he swore to God he would marry right after graduation. Sweet, huh? Indeed for us, it was as bitter as russet chocolate.

Yes, they are my half-brothers but the two of them fused together make not one. Each of them is worth more than 10 brothers and having two makes me feel I have a whole tribe of guys watching over me. I simply love it!

I could not take why they had to leave. Mom told me that it's expected for a man to leave his family of upbringing for the new family he decided to build. What makes me fret even more is when I see my brother hanging around and having to work part-time just so his kid could have a chunk of padded paper to shit on. I'd rather not see him at all.

He's there alright. Worse is that he's hanging around, nosing your business like he used to but why can't I have him back in his room playing his screeching electric guitar? Why can't he have two ears and four eyes on me when guy friends conquer the living lounge? He's there at my fingertips but he isn't that same mischievous microbe anymore.

I feel that we're yet too young to part. I was 16 then and they were on their early 20's. I did not get the chance to spend the peak of teenage years with them. I imagined the next few years to be spent feeding my hungry personality together with my brothers. Ohh.. Missed.

I did not say goodbye the morning my second brother left for the good ol' American Dream. He drove me to school and I banged the door, as usual without any farewell dialogues (no tributes, speeches whatsoever). It was when I was in the assembly that tears escaped my eyes.

I do not believe in adieus (even in deaths). Ever heard the phrase No letting go? It works that way. Tomorrow I'd see him again. Beyond seas, beyond skies... There is no such thing as long distance. I see myself back in my childhood.

I would find a way that we'd all be together again. We're all under the same sky.

-Tinay 9:45 PM |

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know

~*~I have my feet buried beneath sand, I have my mind burned with desire and I have my heart blistered with your broken promises~*~

* Dwelling in Ortigas * Seventeen has been the peak of my whole life * I love hanging out with my friends- as long as I am with them, I am content. * I'm in search of the thing that I am really good at. I've tried ballet, gymnastics, piano, cheerleading, etc. Just not my thing. * Currently into fencing, though. * I'm a proud Christian who declares her faith * A part of my heart belongs to Rob Sy * I study in DLSU-Manila * I'm a BS Psychology major * I have mood swing tendencies * I can be sociable * I can also be unsociable to people I dislike * Generally, I can get along with anyone * Just do not bitch around me * I'm usually playing pool at Katipunan, Tomas, Metrowalk, Makati or Timog area * or I would probably be spotted seated at a resto bar or a coffee shop * I enjoy going to the movies * I am kind of tired of the night life * I'd rather be burnt with stress than be buried in boredom * I listen to house music most of the time * I enjoy traveling * Especially trips to the beach * I'm a frustrated writer * Being a cardiologist is my ultimate dream * School sucks especially when I dislike the teacher + subject * I can be a jealous person at times * There are times when I suffer from extreme paranoia * You may hate me for some things but I assure you that I am not a hypocrite * I'm suffering in a major college crisis * Help anyone? * I'll update this soon *

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